Seniorer Falling in Love

Falling in love in later life is fun and here are some creative ideas to keep things interesting. Date Ideas for Over 50s. Dating is certainly not a young person’s game. Plenty of senior singles are still searching for love and what better way to get to know each other than trying out some new creative date ideas together. In fact, many ... Falling in Love After 65. Posted at 16:42h in Senior Topics by Kim Rogers. No one is ever too old to fall in love. And more Americans are remarrying or living together later in life than ever before. This is due, in large part, to increasing life expectancy. According to data from the Social Security Administration, if a man reaches the age of ... Here are 10 people on how falling in love changes as you get older:. This person became jaded: My love today is tinted with the experience of what unrequited, jaded, jilted and deceitful really ... Indeed, when it comes to making new friends and even falling in love, age is truly just a number. Many seniors find a new, and perhaps unexpected, romantic spark later in life -- sometimes in ... Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated seniors do it. “It” is falling in love. But in the case of our parents, “it” can be maintaining the love in their relationships over many decades. Enjoying Romantic Love in Older Age. Romance is still a big part of most peoples’ lives and it doesn’t stop at any age. John was married to the love of his life for 52 years. When she died five years ago, the 75-year-old never thought he'd marry again. A year after his wife's passing, John bought a home in Del Webb's Solera at Diamond Valley in Southern California, because John wanted to remain active and take advantage of the social programs and activities the ... Senior citizen loses RM257,172 in online love scam JOHOR BAHRU: A female senior citizen lost RM257,172 after falling victim to an online love scam syndicate. Johor Commercial Crime Investigation Department chief ACP Mohd Salleh Abdullah said the 68-year-old local woman befriended the local man who supposedly worked in the United States through ...

Limerence 17-26

2020.09.19 06:50 lildogg747 Limerence 17-26

Background: I am a 26 YO male in grad school and have been categorized by a psychiatrist as being “on the fringe of the ASD spectrum” (i.e., Aspergers).
Story: I met the LO once I had moved to a foreign city at age 14 in 2009. I had a hard time adjusting as I had lived my entire life to that point in the Midwest. She was my first and best friend. We talked for ~5 hours a day for 3 years. We were very close friends but LO had a boyfriend at the time from 9th grade to 11th. LO was my best friend and closest confidant. Eventually, my junior year of high school, she broke up with her boyfriend.
LO was an extremely empathetic individual and an astoundingly good listener. In contrast I was very abrasive and had little to no empathy to the point where I alienated the rest of my friends through my callousness. Yet I always felt that her ability to understand and sympathize with others, even outside of our friendship, percolated into me and fundamentally changed the way that I thought. I genuinely believe that much, if not all, of my empathetic and caring characteristics were derived from my time with LO.
So over that summer in 2011, LO was now single and I without any other friends. We began spending every day together. One day, as we had finished watching every film we had ever wanted to see, she asked me “what should we do now?” I kissed her. Thus began ~2 months of FWB; however, we never actually had sex. This was my decision because I was unsure of how I felt at the time and because I did not want to have sex outside of a formal relationship. She had also asked me to ask her out on a date as she “loved me”. I had postponed on this request as I wanted to proceed slowly out of caution. I would categorize that summer of 2011 as the happiest I have ever been in my life.
Yet I was not aware of how fully I cared about LO. To this day, my two inactions to ask her out on a date and to lose my virginity with her remain the biggest regrets in my life, because I did not act authentically to how I felt towards her. Fast forward to a couple months later and she is telling me that she wants to end FWB as she has found another BF. I realize how I feel, and express it to her. She rejects my advances and ceases contact over senior year.
My limerence began in Fall 2011. That year was a very difficult year for me as in my mind, I had alienated the one person I loved due to my own inaction. I really worked hard to try and improve myself during this time, adopting a lot of the more empathetic and caring traits that I try and express today.
Eventually, I go to college in NY and LO goes to college in CA. She breaks up with her ’11 boyfriend. We sporadically resume contact but I make it clear to her that I see her as a potential romantic partner. We go to an EDM festival together in CA in 2013 and dance together; but shortly after she enters another LT relationship with someone in her college. I focus on my studies, but every day I think of her (checking social media, etc.). Over this time, the feelings of jealousy, anger etc. subside and are replaced with a bitterly conflicting combination of emotions: I am really happy that she is doing well, but I still seek reciprocity and a formal relationship with her. I reach out in 2015 during my junior year of college but she blocks me on social media. We don’t talk for 2.5 years. My feelings remain unchanged and equally strong.
In November 2017, I message her again randomly after a few drinks and she replies. The next evening, we talk over the phone and catch up. She tells me that she “will always love / care for you like family” / “think about you all the time / want the best for you” but that her “romantic affections remain” with the BF. Despite this, she says wants to try her best to have me in her life. We begin to talk for hours every day again. In 2018, she visits me during a holiday weekend in NYC, staying with me (separate mattress) despite having a BF at the time, during which she holds my hand as I express how I feel towards her. I respect her boundaries, but this is all very difficult for me given how strongly I feel for her. We begin to talk for hours a day again. Eventually, we mutually agree to terminate contact as it becomes clearer that I am seeking a romantic relationship and that she is not. We talk sporadically for the next half year.
In Fall 2019, I still feel that there is stuff left unsaid. I write a letter for her. In it, I express my undying love and affection. I re-affirm how I feel and I ask her that “when the time comes when you decide to wed, I hope that you consider marrying [me]”. I send the handwritten letter to her address (which she provides to me). Four days later, she respond that she “will not marry [me.] And I’m sorry.” She adds that she wishes “all the happiness in the world” for me, and that it would be best if we blocked each other. Since then, I have not talked to her. After writing this letter, limerence has overall decreased as I personally believed that I had done everything in my power to make my best possible case.
Last month, I found out through a friend that she recently broke up with her ’13 boyfriend of 8 years. I’m not sure how this will turn out. Friends have consistently told me to move on for 8 years. My counterpoint is that although her actions don’t reflect a commitment, she has sent significantly mixed signals in the past. I am uncertain what will happen.
My limerence has been unabated since October 2011 and continues today.
Postscript thoughts
What strikes me most is how involuntary this is to me. I’ve had 2 psychiatrists and 1 psychologists over 5 years to help me through, yet actual progress is much more dependent on the relevant attendant circumstances than on gradual cognitive maturation. When I put in the effort to try and avoid thinking of her, I end up with very vivid dreams where LO and I spend hours together talking—making me miss her even more.
Throughout this time, I’ve maintained a dozen short-term (i.e., <3 mo.) relationships with others. None were remotely limerent, despite a few being affectionate. I think part of the reason I was so uninterested in other relationships was because none of them made me feel like my life was remotely as meaningful as I did when I was acting upon my love for my LO. I do believe I'll find love either with LO or with another, but there is an admitted fixation on this person.
I really feel that I understand her as a person versus an 'object' (which I view to be derogative) given the significant amount of time that we spent together. I have nothing for gratitude for her and although I perceive a lot of imperfections in her, reciprocation to me is slightly less important than her being happy, although a necessary element for me to remain in contact with her (i.e., I suffer when I am just her 'friend'). The cognitive dissonance to me is internally mentally resolved by my belief that I can adequately care for her and given the barriers to pursuing a relationship with me are noticeably smaller than in the prior 9 years.
My hypothesis is that she cares about me and loves me in the traditional sense, but not to the extent that I am limerent / love her. Not really sure if she will make what I believe to be the right choice (i.e., she has to unblock and message me for this to work), but I do have faith that she will.
None of the above has prevented me from an otherwise happy life. Which makes it all the worse because I have come to value love/limerence as a human experience as much more meaningful than any professional / familial / etc. responsibility. It occupies 90% of my thoughtshare.
I encountered and read Love and Limerence only this last week. Still thinking through applications to my situation.
Happy to answer any questions. Thanks for reading and I hope you all find the meaning and fulfillment you are looking for.
submitted by lildogg747 to limerence [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 23:39 UltimateTeam Engineering Career Fair

With the first career fair in the bag, what did everyone think?
As a senior it was my 4th fall fair, definitely my favorite one so far. It gets better every year.
I was surprised by the variety of employer timelines, some offered interviews on the spot or for next week. Others weren't planning on starting til mid-October, which is probably too far off.
I was a little worried about the prospects and engagement rate, but I thought it was excellent on both ends. Loved the now waiting, doubled the # of employers I could speak to.
Thoughts?
submitted by UltimateTeam to msu [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 20:11 Whitewyne Robert Redwyne, Lord of Dragonstone

(Note, I had included an AC in my Step 1 but have now decided to proceed without an AC for the time being and will consider adding them later on.)

Meta Information

Character Name: Robert Redwyne
Starting Title(s): Lord of Dragonstone, Master of Ships, Ser
Age: 54
Physical Description: Robert is a man whose receding hair and grizzled hair betray the absence of his youth. A thin man but not necessarily frail. He stands an average height of 5'8" and sports blue eyes.
Starting Location: King's Landing
Attribute: Bellicose
Skill Points: 22
Skills: Leadership (CHA), Naval Warfare (MAR), Navigation (MAR), Naval Engineering (EDU), Finances (EDU)
Mastery: Admiral (MAR)
CHA MAR COM INT STE STA EDU MAG
4 10 0 0 0 1 7 0
Username: Whitewyne
Discord Username: hwk
Other Characters: Elenei Gower, Wallace Whitecapp
Robert Redwyne is the first born son of Randyll Redwyne and Bethany Bar Emmon. He was born in 329 AC and inherited Dragonstone in 345 AC after the passing of his grandfather, Hobber Redwyne. His father, Randyll passed in 340 AC when Robert was only 11 years old. This left him five years to learn under his grandfather and his education was largely focused on the sea. As the new overlords of Dragonstone the Redwynes had a formidable fleet and Lord Hobber wanted to ensure that his grandson would know how to utilize it. When he inherited Dragonstone at the age of 16 he dedicated himself to mastering the seas. He quickly became one of the top admirals in Westeros.

Basic Information (OPTIONAL)

Birth Name: Robert Redwyne
Titles: Lord of Dragonstone, Master of Ships
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: 14th Day, Second Moon of 329 AC
Location: King's Landing
Culture: Andal
Religion: Faith of the Seven
Affiliations: House Redwyne of Dragonstone, House Tyrell of King's Landing
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown but greying
Height: 5’8”
Liege: Queen Myrcella Tyrell
Predecessor: Lord Hobber Redwyne
Heir: Hobber Redwyne

History

Robert Redwyne is only the second of his family to rule Dragonstone since being gifted the small island by Myrcella I Baratheon. He is the first born grandson of Lord Hobber Redwyne and great grandson of Lord Paxter Redwyne who provided his fleet to liberate the Shield Islands from the Ironborn. Robert was born in 329 to his parents, Randyll Redwyne and Bethany Bar Emmon. His childhood was much of what you would expect from a boy growing up on an desolate island so close to the capital of the continent. He longed to be there and not on Dragonstone. Every day he would awake looking to the west and wishing he had one of the Dragons of old that he could ride across the Narrow Sea on and be in King's Landing within hours. Instead he was trapped on this island with little to do. He was aware of the fact that one day this castle would be his but that felt such a far away thing that he desired to live and be free until such a time came. Unfortunately, his eyes were opened to how quickly things can change in 340 Ac when he was but eleven years old.
As the Bastards of the Tides terroized the Narrow Sea, House Redwyne tried to form a resonpse. The attempt to put an end to the years of misery and terror was put together and led by Randyll Redwyne, the heir to Dragonstone and Robert's father. He led a fleet of Redwyne vessels from Dragonstone and sailed straight for the Stepstones hoping to hit the pirates at their core and cripple their ability to wage their atrocities any longer. In the end it was a remarkable failure. Only two vessels of the original fleet limped home and among the dead was the bold and confident heir to Dragonstone. Suddenly, at only the age of eleven and with an ever aging grandfather, Robert was thrust into the unenviable position of being prepped for an impending Lordship.
Lord Hobber did all he could in his ever increasing age to prepare his grandson with all the things he would need to know. But Robert was still a boy and lessons took time to take root. Time that Hobber did not have. There was one thing that Hobber was able to successfully instill in his young grandson though. A love for the sea. Robert had dreamed of flying away from Dragonstone as the Targaryens of old once did for all his youth. That was never a realistic dream but when he realized that ships could do the exact same as the dragons of old he was captivated. There was seldom a day where Robert was not aboard a ship, learning how to navigate it, learning how to read the sky, and studying what made the ships effective. He knew there were secrets that had yet to be unlocked about seafaring and he was determined to find them.
He was sixteen when his grandfather passed in 345 AC. It was a natural death and one that did not come as a surprise to Robert or any of the other family members. Though it still hurt. The great Hobber Redwyne, the slayer of Aurane Waters and defender of the Blackwater, had died. Nobody would ever be able to truly replace the man but Robert was old enough to understand the legacy left behind. He knew it was his time to build on that legacy and he resolved himself that day that Westeros would never know a better admiral than him.
If before his attraction to the sea was a fascination, now it was an obsession. Each day was spent learning his ships, studying their state, attending to their maintenace. It continued this way until two things happened, first being the Lord of Dragonstone recognized his duty to wed and produce a line of his own to one day take over the island. His first child was born to him in 354 AC and was named Hobber in honor of Robert's grandfather. There had never been any doubt in his mind as to what the name of his first son would be. The second was the calling of the Crown. The Lord of Dragonstone's reputation with his ships had not gone unnoticed and he was offered a position on the King's Small Council as Master of Ships. It was all he had ever dreamed of and despite being a rather young appointment he was eager to accept. All the memories of his childhood dreams of flying across the narrow sea to be in King's Landing were now realized and it had been ships that brought him there instead of the oft dreamed about dragons.
Though it was in 357 AC when Lord Robert was forced to prove his worth. As war raged in the Reach the Hightowers, a crown loyalist, was being harassed by the other Redwynes. It was not something that Robert took great joy in, being forced to lead his own fleet against his cousin. But as his King commanded he would obey. When battle came it was Robert's fleet that prevailed, breaking the blockade of Arbor and Western ships, freeing up Hightower men to advance break the siege at Brightwater Keep. The accolades he received after such a monumental victory, however, were overbearing to him. He had gone his entire adolescent and adult life to this point thinking he wanted to be the best Admiral in Westeros. By all accounts he had now achieved that, undisputably, but it all felt empty.
His skill and ability likely made it a surprise when he tenured his resignation from the small council in the falling year, 358 AC to King Alester Tyrell. It was made clear that the decision had not been made lightly but after such a rigours campaign and with the birth of his second child, a daughter name Myrcella, it was time for Lord Robert to return to Dragonstone and focus on his family. And so just like that, his dreams of being a famed admiral and residing in King's Landing had been realized and neither had lived up to what he had hoped. Robert returned to Dragonstone and found a new admiration for it. Devoting himself to not only his ships but to his lands and his people but most importantly, his family.
In the years that followed things slowed down for the Lord of Dragonstone. He would have three more children, all daughters, with the first two being twins born in 362 AC. Cersei and Margaery Redwyne were not quite identical as Hobber and Horras Redwyne had been but Robert thought it ironic that he had been blessed with twin daughters just as his great grandfather had been blessed with twin sons. His last child was born a few years later in 365 AC and would be named Olenna Tyrell after the woman who had once been known as the Queen of Thornes and who played a crucial role in the elevation of House Redwyne to their current position.
Tragedy would strike once more though after a decade of relative calm when Daena Targaryen launched her brutal and destructive war for the Iron Throne. Lord Robert was nearing fifty and had long thought his days of commanding to be over. But when the King's call to arms came he knew that the royal fleet would call upon him once more even though he was no longer the realm's Master of Ships. And much as had been the case in his youth the now grizzled lord found himself unable to answer the call. So he set out to King's Landing with his fleet and his two brothers to prepare for what was sure to be a long and drawn out campaign. Though, not even he could have predicted the surprise fleet of 200 warships that sailed for the Blackwater while the Dragon Queen herself burned the west. Without aid from the Vale the Royal Fleet was incapable of mounting a winning effort. That, however, didn't mean the effort was in vain. While the Royal Fleet was ultimately defeated and forced into a retreat it was successful in inflicting large casualties to the invaders where, in reality, the battle should have been a route. Many of those accolades would once again find their way to Lord Robert's shoulders but the battle had a far larger effect on him. As the fleet attempted to regroup there were two ships that were missing. Both of his brothers' commands had sunk and none had seen them after. Robert was reminded of how quickly life could change once more just as he had been as a boy. Once more the seas took his family from him. Both Mace and Loras Redwyne perished that day and Robert's grief was insurmountable. He sailed his ship home while the rest of the surviving Redwyne fleet remained in service to the Crown. But Lord Robert himself had seen enough and would partake no more. He arrived on Dragonstone and hugged his wife and his children and squeezed them tight.
Robert had sworn on that day, when he returned, to never leave his family again. The crown had called him twice and he'd answered both times but now it was time for somebody else to answer the call. His place was here, with his family. At least that is what he tried to tell himself. But when the crown called once more in late 382 AC Lord Robert once again answered. The position of Master of Ships was open once more and with a young Queen now at the helm a veteran and senior member of the court was desired to fill the post. Of course, with so many others dead following the war there were not many choices. So once more, Lord Robert Redwyne would set out to depart Dragonstone aboard his trusty ship and sail for King's Landing. Once more fulfilling that childhood dream that had long since become a nightmare. All in service of the realm.

Family

submitted by Whitewyne to awoiafrp [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 15:59 SamJayTayMBS Trouble deciding who to ask for LORs

I’m a senior in undergrad applying to law school this cycle. I’m having a hard time deciding who to ask for LORs. I go to a mid-large sized school and never really got close with any professors. There are a few I think could write a decent letter though. There are some others I can think of who may write better letters, but they’re not professors or anything so I’m nervous about asking them. Here are the people I’m considering
Spring 2020 professor - I took a research class with this professor last semester. The class revolves around a research project I was heavily involved in and the professor was very happy with my work. Got an A.
Fall 2019 professor - I took a pre law writing class with this professor last year. I spoke often in class (she liked to relate class to current events) and at the end of the class the professor said she enjoyed having me. I missed a lot of class though. Got a B.
Spring 2018 and Spring 2019 professor - this professor taught two classes in my major and took a special interest in two friends and I. He would talk to us after class about life and give advice, he even helped us in student elections. The problem is, I haven’t spoken to him since the last class ended. Got As in both classes.
Internship directononprofit founder - my freshman year I interned with a nonprofit working directly under the founder. I did good work for their organization and she had contacted me a few times over the years for my help with the new interns. We last spoke about six months ago but I think she’d be willing to write a letter
“Employer” - I’ve babysat for the same family for about a year now. I thought they might be able to attest to my timeliness, work ethic, etc as I’ve been very consistent with them and their kid loves me. But I’m wary that adcoms won’t care what they have to say.
I’m thinking of just asking all of them ?? I’m really not sure what to do here. Please help!
submitted by SamJayTayMBS to lawschooladmissions [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 14:37 Klokinator [Cryoverse] The Last Precursor 026: Kessu Survivors

The Last Precursor is an HFY-exclusive web-serial which focuses on the exploits of the last living human amidst a galaxy of unknown aliens. With his species all but extinct and now only known as the ancient Precursors, how will Admiral José Rodriguez survive in this hostile universe? Make sure to read the earlier chapters first if you missed them!
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Previous Part
Part 001
.......................................
A deathly silence falls over José and his companions. The legendary, ancient Terran walks at the front, while Megla stays at the back. The shield protecting her body illuminates their rear, while José's glowing skin does the same for the path ahead. Between them, the three Kessu walk side by side, their tiny bodies protected by the Kraktol and Human shielding them.
José and Megla both clutch their long-barreled, 50th Era rifles to their chests, but unlike before, Admiral Rodriguez appears substantially more alert and focused.
"Still nothing," José mutters, his voice barely audible. "Not a single monster has attacked since we arrived. Before, I thought it might be a little worrying. Now I am almost certain something is watching us."
Before Megla can ask what he means, he continues.
"An intelligent creature of some sort. Undoubtedly an overlord of this domain. Baaru, do your people know of any... aberrants? Any unusual beasts that dwell within these caverns?"
Baaru's feet splash in a small puddle of water, created by a dripping stalactite from the ceiling above.
"No, Great Precursor. I'm afraid not," She says, shaking her head. "Hmm, nothing specific, anyway. Although, Nyoor did tell me once that we should only enter the mountain if the village's existence came under threat. He stressed it was extremely dangerous down here."
The Admiral ponders her words for a few moments. "Something evil might lurk within the darkness, but not necessarily. Perhaps the reason nothing has attacked us is because you came along; a Kessu. Maybe there's a... a guardian, down here. Some sort of protector for your people."
"Really?" Baaru asks, her tone skeptical, yet optimistic. "Is that possible?"
"It is," José answers. "But unlikely. If you did have some sort of divine protector, I imagine they might have shown themselves to you. No... it's much more likely to be an intelligent monster, a creature waiting for us to step into a trap."
José doesn't speak any further, but his gaze turns inward. Speaking of which... Nyoor warned us to watch out for hidden traps down here, but I've yet to find even one. This entire journey could be best described as a leisurely stroll. I expected arrows to come flying out of the walls, or spike pits to open up before me, yet not one such event has occurred. Either Nyoor's worries were unfounded, or something removed those dangers a long time ago.
After a few minutes of contemplation, José transmits a telepathic message to the Bloodbearer, far above. [Umi. Are you still able to send and receive transmissions?]
[Affirmative,] The Synthmind replies. [I cannot create detailed scans of the underground caverns, nor can I transport you back to the ship in the event of an emergency, but simple audio-visual transmissions and relative distance scanning are still within my range of capabilities.]
[Good. How far are we now from the surviving Kessu's bio-signs?]
[I am unable to pinpoint their exact location, and I am unable to map the tunnels around you with even the lowest degree of accuracy. However, in terms of relative distance, assuming there are no barriers blocking your path, you are within 1.2 miles of their position.]
The cave ahead of José curves slowly to the right. As they follow its natural path, he nods. [Alert me if you detect any... oddities. Any changes around us.]
[Orders received, Admiral.]
José falls silent for five more minutes. Neither he nor Megla says anything.
However, despite the silence, Admiral Rodriguez's mind moves at a hundred miles an hour.
If we're lucky, my little 'stunt' from earlier might have scared off whatever's stalking us.
He glances behind himself at Megla's glowing shield barrier.
Assuming it's higher than a Class 3 intelligence, it might be able to understand the idea of an 'invincible barrier.' At the least, it should exercise caution when dealing with prey of an unknown combat potential.
Of course, that's only one possibility. It may not know the meaning of fear. Whatever creature happens to be following us might only want us to reach a certain position before it attacks. Doubtless, somewhere advantageous to its chances of success.
The Admiral's eyes glow a little brighter than before as he fervently scrutinizes the path ahead, keeping an eye out for potential ambush locations.
The rocks up there on that little outcropping... or that shadowy crevasse in the wall. Hmm. Still nothing. No signs of movement, no infrared signatures, not even a bio-pulse. All the signs indicate that whatever rules this domain does so with absolute control... so if it's going to such great lengths not to attack us, it must have a reason.
[Admiral,] Umi says. [You have stepped within 200 meters of the Kessu survivors.]
As José walks, he begins to notice the faint, flickering movements of firelight in the distance. At the same time, his heavy bootsteps echo ahead, causing the Kessu around the corner to scramble around in a panic.
"Someone's coming! Get ready!!"
"No, no, not again! It hasn't even been a day... sob..."
"Grab your spear, get over there! We can't go down without a fight!"
The sounds of meowing and hissing from the Kessu causes José's brows to raise. After his universal translator converts their words to comprehensible speech, he holds up his hand and slows the party behind him.
"Baaru. It's your move, now."
"Y-yes."
The elderly Matriarch of her clan quickly walks past José while holding onto Lele. Ruuki follows behind her, and the three of them raise their voices.
"Hold on! Don't attack! It's me, the Matriarch!"
Her words echo around the corner. She and Ruuki both disappear, leaving Megla and José behind. After a few seconds, cries of joy spring up.
"Matriarch?! Is it really you?"
"Ruuki, you're alive! And Lele too! Uwah, I thought you... never mind, I'm glad to see you!"
After a few moments longer, Baaru's voice cries out. "Ah! No, my child! My baby boy... he's..."
Alarmed, José and Megla quickly run around the corner, only to see Baaru hugging her son, Felabi, against her chest.
"No, no, my baby boy... he can't be dead! Hic... he can't be..."
Baaru sobs in anguish as she presses the cold, lifeless head of her son against her chest. The mother-son duo sport the same reddish, fox-colored fur, but Felabi's appears noticeably less lifelike and stiff.
Several Kessu jump in alarm when they spot the huge, furless creatures running toward them. Their souls nearly leave their bodies in fright, right up until Lele runs toward José.
"B-big Baldy! It's terrible! Uncle Felabi, he's...!!"
Tears well up in the kitten's eyes, but the moment José draws within visual distance, his ocular implants shift spectrums, allowing him a full 3D spectroscopic visual of the 'deceased.' The unfamiliar Kessu jump out of the Terran's path, hissing at him in fright. Megla slows to a stop and watches, puzzled, as José drops to his knees beside Felabi.
The Admiral's gaze sweeps across Felabi's body. Countless scratches, cuts, and gashes line his form. His fur, now covered in dried blood, lays matted against his skin. Not a hint of life breathes in the young male Kessu's countenance.
"He's alive," José says, startling everyone, especially Baaru. "Not by much, but even if it's only by a little, Terran medical science can perform miracles."
Baaru raises her head to look at José. Tears brim in her eyes. "Y-you... you can save him? You can save my baby boy?!"
"Maybe," José says, his eyes containing a deep restlessness. "I'm a soldier, not a doctor. I know some battlefield medical practices, but that might be enough to sustain him until we return to the ship."
Suddenly, the Terran swivels his gaze toward the nearest Kessu, an old cat with drooping hairs under his eyes. "You! Tell me what happened in detail! How did he suffer these injuries?"
The old cat shrinks back, terrified of the massive, furless giant. However, he still answers José's question.
"Th-the Black G-Ghost... it attacked... it tried to take the girls... but Felabi, he wouldn't let the Ghost have its way. The Ghost punished him. It ripped him apart and l-left him to die... please forgive this worthless senior! If I hadn't been so cowardly, the clan leader might not-"
"I've heard enough," José says. The Admiral reaches into his pant pocket and pulls out a small black strap. He wraps it around his wrist, making Megla frown.
A wristband?
Unseen by Megla and all the Kessu, a holographic image suddenly springs to life above the wristband. José falls silent as his specially-tuned eyes allow him to see the image, a perfect representation of a medical storage area.
While José's right arm hovers in front of his chest, his left hand dances around in the air, manipulating the unseen holographic image. Seeing the strange, furless biped making his fingers dance for seemingly no reason, a few of the Kessu behind him give their 'savior' multiple strange looks.
"What the heck is that creature doing?"
"How should I know? Don't be rude. He looks like he could kill us with a glance."
"Yeah. Wow, he's huge. Have you ever seen a mutant that big?"
"A mutant?"
"Haven't you heard? There are rumors that some Kessu can increase their size and power by shedding their fur. If you factor in that weirdly ugly face, the big muscles... he's probably a mutant."
"Dang, Skippy. You're so smart!"
The two Kessu boys chat with one another in whispers, certain the Terran won't notice them. However, even though José is actually able to hear every word, he ignores them. Their words matter far less to him than saving a dying kitty in urgent need of care.
Eventually, José navigates through the holographic room and opens a virtual medicine capinet. With a tap of his finger, a light springs into existence above his wrist, making Baaru jump back in fright.
"W-what is that?!"
The light becomes a series of lasers, all of which trace out the elaborate image of a palm-sized medical device. Within seconds, the lasers complete the act of 'replicating' the device, and José snatches it out of midair.
Kssss.
A quiet hissing sound escapes the nozzle as Jose aims the device at Felabi's most dangerous, gaping, badly infected wounds. A white, foam-like substance sprays onto the Kessu's fur, then seeps through his skin into his arteries.
Countless nanites, each one a millionth the size of a human hair, burrow into the kitty cat's body. They flood through his dying, broken blood vessels and get to work stitching him together.
In less than a minute, José sprays dozens of bloody patches across Felabi's body. He falls back and slumps to his butt with a smile.
"Whew. Baaru, you're one lucky mama. If it had been anyone but me who showed up, or if I'd shown up thirty minutes later, you'd be saying goodbye to your son right now."
Sparkles appear in Baaru's eyes. "You... you mean... my little Felabi won't die?"
"I'll make sure he survives. I've infused eighteen billion nanites into his body, so, over the course of the next five hours, they will repair seventy percent of his injuries. Once we get him back to the Bloodbearer, Umi can do the rest of the work. She's performed a few hundred bioscans of healthy Kessu bodies, after all. This won't be a problem at all."
Baaru breaks down crying tears of happiness. She jumps over Felabi's body to wrap her arms around José's shoulders. "Thank you, Great Precursor! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"
José doesn't even flinch. He lightly pets the fur on Baaru's back and smiles. "You're welcome. Now, let's focus, okay? Felabi will live, but that's only if we all successfully leave here alive."
Finally, José takes a moment to take in his surroundings. He sits inside a large chamber tucked out of the way from the main path. Scattered around the chamber, two dozen male Kessu either sit, stand, or crouch and look at him, their gazes containing traces of fear and curiosity. A fire crackles in the middle of the room, providing the only source of illumination.
The cavern's ceiling looms fifty meters in the air, while menacing stalactites hang down and drip water onto the cave floor. Several shabbily-made 'beds' sit at the back end of the cave, their materials mostly made from dirt or crumbled rocks.
As the Admiral looks at the Kessu survivors, his eyes turn frosty.
"Hm? Is this all of you? There aren't even thirty of you here. And where are the women? Don't tell me only you men survived your village's attack."
The expressions on the Kessu's faces become eerily downcast. One elderly Kessu sinks to the floor, shaking with fear and rage.
"F-forgive us... Matriarch... aaoouugh! It was awful... the Black Ghost came... it took the women away, one by one, every night!"
Another Kessu boy nods, his expression calm and sober. "A hundred of us made it here originally, but several weeks passed. We didn't have any food... any water. The Black Ghost came whenever we slept. It not only took the women, but it killed many men, too. We're all that's left."
His words cast a hazy shadow upon everyone present. Megla narrows her eyes as she wonders what sort of despicable creature could do such a thing.
While she ponders the Kessu's reported events, Admiral Rodriguez turns to the boy. "A ghost, you say? Did anyone here see it?"
The boy nods, but his movements appear hesitant. "We did, but... it was so hard to make out. It almost perfectly blended in with the darkness. It stretched out its claws and pulled whoever was closest into the shadows. One Kessu every night, without fail. Even... even my older sister."
The boy lowers his head. A deep sadness appears in his eyes.
"She screamed and begged for help... but I was so scared... I couldn't even... I watched as the Ghost dragged her away, but my legs... my stupid legs wouldn't work!"
The boy tries to suppress his tears, but he, too, ends up sobbing his heart out. Another boy nearby tries to comfort him, but it's clear he, too, has lost someone he loved.
"Tragic," Megla growls. "What sort of vicious monster..."
She turns to look at the Admiral. His brows furrow deeply, forming the shape of a 'v' as his mind swirls with chaotic thoughts.
"A shadow... takes people away... focuses on women... could it be?"
The Admiral's gaze turns as ugly as a stormy day at sea.
"No. They're all dead. It must be something else."
With the Kessu all focusing on Felabi and Baaru, none of them notice the Admiral's strange mutterings. However, Megla does. She doesn't hear his exact words, but she pieces together a few clues based on his reaction.
"Admiral? Do you know something about this 'Black Ghost?'"
She crouches down beside José, but he doesn't reply for a full minute.
"Mmm. These Kessu have been underground for a month or two. They're probably hallucinating a predator of some sort. Maybe it's a disease. Some sort of wandering sickness."
"A what?" Megla asks, disbelief buried in her eyes. "I'm no medical expert, but that sounds like gobbledy-gook."
"It probably is," José says, his expression solemn. "But... I don't want it to be the alternative. We exterminated them. Ages ago. Can't be them."
He returns to his ramblings, while occasionally shaking his head. After a few more minutes, he clances at Megla.
"Remember what I told you. You're my First Officer. I'm depending on you, Megla. If something happens, you have to protect the Kessu."
Megla meets the Admiral's gaze. His oddly dark pupils cause an uneasiness to sprout in her heart. "What are you saying? Of course I will. Stop acting weird. I don't like it when you're... not yourself."
"This isn't about me anymore," José murmurs. "It's about my duty. My sworn oath to Ramma. If I should die, then I hope you will not do anything terrible to the Kessu. I hope you'll carry out my final wishes and... protect them."
José keeps his voice low. With the Kessu now focused entirely on Baaru, Ruuki, and Lele, none of them hear his words.
But Megla does.
"Why are you acting like you might die?" Megla asks. "Something's not right about you. You seem... scared."
"Not scared," José says, smiling. "Determined. It doesn't matter if I die. I'm only here by the grace of the gods. Maybe they kept me alive for a reason. Either way, I don't intend to-"
Before José can finish his sentence, Lele bounces over toward them. "Big Baldy! Are we ready to go, yet? It's dark and wet down here! Let's get Uncle Felabi to the surface, okay?"
The Admiral swallows his words. A huge, cheerful smile washes over his face as he turns to face the little girl. "Oh, yes, yes. That sounds like a good idea. How about you ride piggyback with Aunt Meggy this time? I don't want you wandering off, now, alright?"
Lele's smile morphs into a look of disgust. "Eww, you want me to ride with scale-breath?"
"Haha!" José laughs, his tone sounding unbelievably fake to Megla's ears. "That's right, squirt. You stay close to Aunt Meggy. Let's hurry up and get out of here. We've got a long walk back to the surface."
Megla's expression sinks. "Admiral..."
...
Thirty minutes pass.
José and the Kessu work together to build a stretcher for Felabi. Despite the nanites having closed his wounds, the big, strong young Kessu warrior lays motionless, his breathing weak and languid. Four Kessu boys each grab one end of the stretcher and lift him up.
Likewise, after storing away his nanite-spraying tool, José synthesizes some light meals for all of the Kessu, each consisting of simple food pellets. While lacking in taste and satisfaction, the pellets explode inside of their stomachs and rapidly provide needed nutrients to keep them alive.
The Admiral does a once-over of his party of thirty and nods. "We'll leave now. Megla will guard the flank, and I'll take point. Everyone else stay between us, and don't stray."
"Yes, Precursor," Baaru says.
"As you command," The other Kessu add.
With the party saddled up and ready to go, José hefts his gun and begins walking forward at a moderately brisk pace. The uneasiness in his heart makes him move a bit quicker than he did when traveling into the caves originally.
Megla keeps an eye out behind them, as well as to the front. On her shoulders, a sullen Lele sits, annoyance etched into her pores.
The kitten curls up her mouth as she daintily sniffs the top of Megla's head, before pulling away and making a gagging noise. "Blech. This sucks."
"Quiet," Megla whispers. "No more talking until we reach the surface."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."
In less than a minute, José arrives at the exit to the Kessu's hidden alcove. Despite its seemingly large size, it's still much smaller and more contained than the rest of the cavernous network.
As soon as the Admiral steps outside, he comes to a stop, falls to one knee, and aims his gun forward.
Megla's heart leaps into her throat. "Admiral?!"
A split-second of silence passes. Given her position at the rear of the party, she can't see what he sees, but the Admiral's words cause spiders to race up her spine.
"It's arrived. The Aberrant."
José, still kneeling on one knee, stares unblinkingly into the distance. Only half a kilometer ahead, a gigantic, unspeakably hideous monster, with blood-red eyes, a wolf-like head, and a look of famished hunger, sits crouched in the darkness. The beast stand forty meters tall, with blackened fur as dark at the night covering its head and body. Even with his enhanced senses, the Admiral can barely make out its form in the darkness.
The monster snarls quietly, causing its monstrous tongue to sneak out of its pointed mouth. The vicious look on its face deepens sevenfold.
But, most terrifyingly, behind it, hundreds of blood-red pinpricks of light also gaze at José from the shadows. All of them carry a deep, unyielding hunger as bottomless as the ocean's depths.
José smiles, but his face gives off more of a feeling of faint relief than one of happiness.
"So it wasn't them... Megla! Pull everyone back! Remember what I said!"
Megla nods. "Yes, Admiral!"
Without another word, she quickly beckons for the Kessu to retreat, leaving the Admiral alone to face off whatever threat he may have encountered.
Based on his expression, the odds seem high he won't walk away without suffering terrible injuries.
.......................................
Author Note:
If you enjoy what you've just read, please consider subscribing to my Patreon! I am very poor and presently jobless due to Coronavirus, so every dollar helps. You get access to Cryopod artwork, and plenty of other exclusive posts, with more to come soon.
Also consider reading The Cryopod to Hell, the primary story in the Cryoverse! I'll be returning to TCTH for the next week or two after this TLP part. Both stories are part of the Cryoverse, so they're deeply interlinked. You don't wanna miss them!
Thank you!
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2020.09.18 13:48 DebatePopular189 I am 26 years old and make $88k/year, live in Indianapolis and work as a financial planner.

Section 1: Assets and Debt
I make $88k/year + quarterly bonuses (anywhere from $5 to $10k/year). My husband normally makes about $90k between base and bonus but it has been reduced 20% during COVID. Everything is joint, so I will share his expenses as well to make it as fair as possible.
Roth 401(k) - $54,500
My husband’s 401(k) - $78,000
Our 529 - $1,300
HSA - $16,700
Equity in our home - about $45k.
Savings - $25,000
Checking - $4,000 (I keep just enough for bills, etc.)
Credit Card Debt: $0 (pay off every month)
Student loan debt: $0 (we paid off about $40k over the last four years)
Car loan - about $1,000 left
HVAC (we just had to replace) - about $8,750
Section 2: Income
My net paycheck (every 2 weeks) - $1,945
My husband’s net paycheck (2x/month) - $1,501 (during pay cut)
I did not come from money. My parents divorced when I was in highschool and my Mom then made minimum wage. I paid my way through college by working, getting scholarships, and taking out about $20k in student loan debt. I moved to Indy for the job with $100 in my bank account.
I’ve worked at the same company since I graduated and love what I do. I started out making $41k. I have received merit raises and a few other raises for completing various financial certifications. I am now a senior financial planner and have assumed a more managerial role. My firm paid for all of my certifications (about $10k) and I am in the process of getting my EA (enrolled agent, an IRS/tax certification). I’ve passed one test and have two more to go. I will receive another $3k/year raise after completing.
Section 3 Expenses
Giving - $1,300month (goes to church and two missionaries)
Mortgage - $584 (yes Indy is cheap and we love it)
Utilities - about $150/month
Internet - $80 (we just got past our promotional period...urgggg)
Coffee subscription - $50 (we get four bags of coffee sent to us every month from a local roaster)
Phones - $50/month for both of us
HVAC - $182 (0% financing for 4 years)
Netflix - Like $3 (we share it with a few other people)
Disney + - $7
Car - $150
Patreon - $5 (I support Crime Junkies and am obsessed)
Amazon - $120/year
Roth 401(k) contribution - $576/pay
My husband’s 401(k) contribution - $436/pay
My husband’s HSA (for both us) contribution - $243/pay
Health/dental/vision (from husband’s pay) - $43/pay
I want to address the elephant in the room before I get into my diary. Yes, we give a lot. No, we aren’t part of some crazy cult that requires we give a certain % or something. We love to give, we have the means to give, and we have made lifestyle choices to allow us to give.
Day 1 (Friday)
7:00 - I wake up and the dog is waiting at our bedroom door to go out. We leave him in our bedroom at night (with his dog bed) or else he walks around the house all night like the grim reaper.
7:30 - Off to work with my coffee and oatmeal in hand. I’m wearing my yellow sweater today. I love mustard yellow. Funny back story, I once wore this sweater to an event in downtown Indy and got “catcalled”. The guy kept following me, calling me the “bitch in the ugly sweater”. I now love this sweater even more and wear it with a sense of pride. Today is definitely my day.
12:00 - LUNCH! I make myself a quick sandwich and head home. I work from home a few afternoons each week.
2:00 My afternoon is filled with talking with clients on the phone, answering emails, and training/providing feedback for my associate financial planner. He preps meetings for me and I review them before presenting to the client.
5:00 - Done with the work for the day and I prep dinner - various fall squashes and pork roasted in the oven. M (the husband) and I take turns with dinner. This is my week and next week will be his week to prep and cook. Not gonna lie, I love getting cooking breaks.
7:30 - M and I play cribbage for hours (any cribbage players out there?) and we also order a new dog bed. Our dog’s current bed is super thin and old so we are majorly spoiling him with temperpedic...I don’t think our own mattress is this nice. - $72.75
12:00 - How are we still playing cribbage?
Total: $72.75
Day 2 (Saturday)
9:00 - We sleep in and M runs to Aldi to get a few breakfast-type foods, milk, cream cheese, etc. - $17.45 We eat breakfast, sip coffee, and of course play more cribbage. He wins this time. I’ll get him next time.
11:00 - I whip up some chipotle style chicken bowls and include some tomatoes from our garden.
12:00 - Wash the dog which is always an experience since he absolutely hates water. He now smells like hibiscus and I somehow smell like a wet dog.
1:00 - Scone time! I love to bake and usually I only do so on the weekends. M has a gluten allergy. Today, I’m trying a new recipe from King Arthur. I will link it if it’s good. I make two variations, cinnamon with cream cheese frosting and blueberry, walnut, lemon zest. And let’s be honest, I put the cream cheese frosting on everything. The more the merrier.
3:00 - Ok, these scones are awesome: https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/gluten-free-whole-grain-scones-recipe
4:00 - I tried on some clothes that just arrived from J Crew Factory. And as my doctor recently told me, “You’ve gained some weight, but you are still in a healthy range.” Not sure how to take that. Half the clothes fit, half will go back. I then ran to Goodwill and dropped off some donations and also found a few new fall items ($36.05). I try to buy about half of my clothes second hand, and the other half new.
7:00 - M and I hang outside with our dog and ducks. Yes, we have ducks. We talk to our neighbors and then play yet again more cribbage and eat pizza. $16.19
Total $69.69
Day 3 - Sunday
10:30 - Wake up, M makes cappuccinos, we eat breakfast, and watch our church’s livestream.
11:30 - I try on the Goodwill clothing from yesterday and half of it doesn’t fit, specifically the bottoms. Then I try on my jeans from last year and again, they don’t fit. I feel so defeated and on the verge of tears. I know I’m at a healthy weight, but I find it mentally very hard to not fit into stuff I’ve had since college and then to navigate the crazy world of women’s sizing. I struggled with some disordered eating in highschool. I’ve always been skinny but with a healthy appetite and I would watch people eat way less than me or just eat salads and then I felt insecure that I had to do the same. News alert, if your body is hungry, eat something! I go onto Everlane, a website I’ve looked at but never actually bought anything. I buy two pairs of jeans, but in two sizes each. I checked and they have free returns. Ordering this many clothes is completely not normal for me. I typically can go close to a year without ordering anything. $217.
1:00 - We head out to Costco to buy toilet paper, dishwasher detergent, laundry detergent, gluten free flour, seltzer, etc. We also run to Menards for more duck coup supplies and then finally Meijer for weekly groceries. $285.79
5:00 - We get back and are starving. M makes some quesadillas and we enjoy a quiet evening walking the dog, playing games, and surfing Youtube.
Total: $502.79
Day 4 - Monday
7:15 - Definitely slept in. It’s such a gorgeous morning! I make some of my daily steel cut oatmeal, brew coffee, and am out the door by 7:45.
8:00 - I pick up a PSL on the way to work for my admin as a surprise. This is her favorite drink and it finally feels like fall this morning. I don’t get anything since I brought my own coffee. I had to re-load my card. $10
9:00 - I’m bombarded by emails and questions from my associate planner. It’s definitely a Monday. Coffee, please work.
12:00 - I eat a turkey and swiss cheese sandwich with a clementine at my desk. I do take a walk around the parking lot because it is so nice! If you aren’t from Indy, our weather goes from like 90 to 0 overnight it seems.
3:00 - It’s now the time of day when I snack on an apple with peanut M&Ms. I believe in balance. I also work in compliance in our firm (small firm, several hats) and right now we are undergoing a mock audit. Finance is a highly regulated industry so it's expensive and time consuming for our smaller firm to keep up with it all. I spend several hours collecting requested data.
5:30 - I head home and M makes cauliflower pizza for dinner tonight. I never get tired of pizza.
7:00 - We spend hours working on the duck coop and then M and I sit outside, drink beers, and just enjoy the evening. We are both trying to make it a practice to just sit and talk, without the distraction of Netflix or our phones nearby.
Total: $10
Day 5 - Tuesday
7:15 - Definitely slept in again. M makes coffee for me because it is our 2-year wedding anniversary. It’s the little things. We both decided not to do gifts this year because we really don’t need anything.
12:30 - Is this now a food diary? I eat the same lunch as yesterday, a turkey sandwich with a clementine. Kinda sad, but easy to prepare during the week. I enjoy a quick walk outside.
1:00 - I’m knee deep in compliance but I know I need to get back to the more financial planning side of my job. My associate prepared an estimate for a client’s section 1231 taxable gain from the sale of a rental property. Then, I responded to another client about 529 questions. Going into this job, I thought financial planning was more about investments (which it can be), but there are more nuances and aspects to holistic planning than I ever knew.
4:00 - Head home and curl my crazy hair, put on a cute dress, and then we grab dinner at a really good pizza place with a pretty view of downtown. We eat and sip beer outside on the patio. Yes, I love pizza. No, I do not normally have pizza three times in a week! Just worked out this way and I’m not mad about it. We tip 30% because we know how hard people working in the service industry have been financially hit during COVID. $52
9:00 - The rest of the evening we just lazily lie around and watch parks and rec, which I’ve seen like 1,000 times. It never gets old. The Indiana jokes and stereotypes are honestly fairly accurate. Except, Leslie goes on a date in season 2 to the Indianapolis aquarium. We don’t have an aquarium. Fact checked.
Total: $52
Day 6 - Wednesday
7:00 - Switching it up today, no oatmeal! I eat the last of our scones and drink my coffee while staring at emails on my work computer. This morning I’m running calculations to fairly withhold taxes based on variable incomes for two separated clients.
11:30 - Just scheduled my next EA exam and paid the $182 fee. Work will reimburse. I schedule my exams to motivate me to start studying and to make a plan. I’ve taken over 10+ tests for various certifications so I’ve developed a system for studying that works for me. If I don’t have a deadline, I just don’t study.
12:00 - Head home to work from home in the afternoon and eat leftovers. Again, it’s a gorgeous day so I’m able to sit outside on my laptop.
4:30 - I take a few minutes to make my “plan of attack” for my next EA test. I know this sounds crazy, but I like to plan what I’m studying each day on a calendar. I plan out break days, catch-up days, and give myself a few weeks to review all the material after I’ve finished my first reading. I like going in with a plan because then I don’t have a lingering sense of guilt if I’m not studying. If I built in a break, I can take the break.
5:30 - M grills some fish and roasts asparagus (oh, he ran to Aldi to pick up fish and beer earlier for $15.03). I then head over to my friend’s house to catch-up with a few other ladies. There are like five of us outside. It’s so good to catch-up.
9:30 - I get home and talk to M for a few minutes. We shower and head to bed earlier tonight.
Total: $15.03
Day 7 (Thursday)
7:30 - This seems redundant at this point, yes I have oatmeal and coffee while checking my working email.
11:30 - I just found out that my Q3 bonus will be paid tomorrow! I’m on track this year for a 12% bonus of my base (about $10.5k gross). Also, I took a few seconds to donate to my coworkers’ charity that he is volunteering for. $50
12:00 - I stop at Office Max and get a chore chart laminated so we can use dry erase markers. M and I argued last week about chores. While I don’t expect a perfect 50/50 division of chores, I told him I would like more help than what he is providing. He agreed he needs to contribute more towards house work and I agreed that my expectations can be out of line. I will often ask him to do something and then get frustrated when he doesn’t immediately drop everything and do it (just typing this makes me realize how ridiculous I can be). Thus, the chore chart. We can agree beforehand on who’s doing what. Does anyone else have a system that works for them? $2.14
5:00 - Head home and eat dinner with M. We walk the dog, enjoy more beautiful weather (how is this possible in Indy?!?), and sip some Aldi beer on our patio. We work on cleaning up the house (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom).
Total: $52.14
Weekly Total: $774.40
End of Week Reflections:
This is WAY more money than I typically spend in one week. I don’t usually buy $200 worth of jeans (although I will return at least half since I bought multiple sizes)! We also only go to Costco about once a month to stock-up on the bigger items (like laundry detergent, etc.). Regardless, it was sobering to realize how much the spending can add-up. I’m blessed that we have stable income, but I also don’t want to thoughtlessly spend money just because we have it. We try to be intentional in what we spend money and conscious of when we eat out.
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2020.09.18 13:30 duplicito 10 years

This will be long winded and bittersweet, but I need to get it off my chest so here we go.
In 2010, I (23M now) joined a co-ed rowing team, where I would spend much of my time for the next 5 years. I made some (not many) friends in the first year, including the coach's daughter, a beautifully kind but sheltered soul with piercing green eyes that belied a fierce intelligence and strong will. I'll call her R.
Over the next year, I fell head over heels for R. Out of inexperience, I put her on a pedestal and thought she was absolutely perfect. A simple wave or smile from her would make my day, serotonin shooting through my brain at the speed only a horny teenage boy knows of. I worked myself up to ask her out that winter, which I did at the team's winter solstice party. When I told her how I felt, she stormed off in silence after giving me an incredulous look. I found out from our mutual friends that she wasn't interested, and the rest of winter training was really awkward, we hadn't spoken since. She broke the ice later that spring, apologizing for treating me so harshly, and we settled into a tenuous friendship, though I pledged to myself to never let her know my true feelings again.
Later on in high school, I found a girl from the team that was interested and started dating her, but we never truly clicked, and by senior year that was over. R was still often on my mind, but I had my sights set on college, and bigger and better things.
Fast forward a few years, and I'd had a few more girlfriends, all of whom I subconsciously measured against R. None of them could fill the hole R left in me, and the comparison wasn't fair to any of them. Still, I didn't know how else to move forward.
During the fall of my junior year of college, I met another girl, with beautiful long curly hair and a delightfully devilish sense of humor. I'll call her K. We had immediate chemistry, and were dating within weeks. Our communication was seamless and our interests were aligned, to the point where it felt like we could read each other's minds. More importantly, K filled that hole left by R better than anyone before, and helped with many other character flaws I hadn't noticed. I still thought about R sometimes, but those early days with K were absolutely idyllic.
When I graduated college, I was still with K, as I am today. (I'll marry her when the time is right, because she's the soul I'd want to spend eternity with) That summer, I took a job coaching for my old rowing team, helped by some old friends, including R. R and I got much closer over the summer, due to us both having matured over a 4 year gap. She was very flirty at times, but I soldiered on with my newfound commitment to K. R and I watched the summer go by from almost within reach of each other, but not quite, held back by my wavering hand, and I learned the true price of exclusivity and indecision.
That fall, K and R both had to go back to college, and within a week of her being there, K and I had broken strange new ground. I was her first and only sexual partner, and she was interested in trying an open relationship. I was interested and agreed, timing to my chagrin, because R had left mere weeks before...
After they left for school, I struggled to find a job, until I found a software dev company that wanted to pay me to train in NYC for 6 weeks (this was January 2020). NYC was an absolute blast, though I slipped deeper and deeper into the mentality of hookup culture, which in hindsight must have weighed heavily on K. In part due to my interest in lucid dreaming and psychedelic experiences, I began to keep a dream journal while I was there, writing down everything I could remember each morning. After a few weeks, I looked back through the journal, and...
R was in almost every single dream. My love for her had survived time, distance, and the existence of K. I contemplated what monogamy really meant, and if I could really truly love two people at once. When I brought this concept up to K, it became a great burden to her. Her mind would race with anxiety thinking of me fantasizing about others. I didn't even tell her how I felt about R, just the general concept, but it was enough for K to be done with the openness of our relationship, and justifiably so. By the time I left NYC, we were exclusive again, and K trusted me a little bit less I presume.
During the covid pandemic, I've been working from my parents' place, just down the river from the dock used by my old rowing team...... whom R is now a full time coach for. K and I are doing long distance, and we're both pretty happy with it, and I also talk to R almost every day. Though I'm living my dream of a stable, happy relationship with K, part of me still wants R all the time, and not even in a strictly sexual way, more of an addiction to her personality I guess. R has recently gotten her first ever boyfriend, and vents to me occasionally about her anxieties and worries, seeking wisdom and comfort, which it makes my day to give. This is what made me realize what unconditional love is, to want to be with someone regardless of whether they reciprocate.
I have no plans to ever leave K, and my friendship with R is blossoming into the most beautiful platonic relationship I've ever experienced, yet I unconditionally love them both.
K, if you read this, you will always be second to none in my eyes. You are my world, and I will follow you to the end.
R, if you read this, know that I'm not playing the long game, and I genuinely want to be a part of the bright future ahead of you. Maybe you can understand where I'm coming from now
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2020.09.18 11:03 astr_grl Is he my twin flame?

This is gonna be really long as it's a condensed story of my journey over the last four years so just bear with me if you can and thank you for reading <3 I'd really appreciate the advice.
If I’m speaking honestly the details on how we met are a little foggy. He came to my small middle school In the sixth grade right at the start of middle school. Where everyone knew everyone because it was so small. He was the new kid waving at me through the door that I couldn’t really see him through. He was already one of the cutest guys in the school. I ,while not even really seeing him, felt this attraction. The teacher had even pointed out the commotion his arrival brought to the girls in school and I felt myself getting embarrassed while not even knowing or really seeing him.
Something just always, even now, seems like it’s pulling me toward him. So my eyes would always follow where he was in a room. I just couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like any other crush I had ever experienced up until that point (or even now). I hadn’t been able to talk to him because we were in different classes or ran in different social circles but I still felt something towards him and couldn’t even figure out why it passed the surface until I did. Joking around with him and speaking in accents before we were interrupted in 7th grade aside or the time he extended his arm to me to cling on to in the train. I got to talk to interact with him more before we parted ways in the 8th grade than any other time.
There was this moment that I didn’t realize at the time had been me possibly testing or pushing the buttons of my (possible) twin flame when we were in class. I had learned along with everyone else in the grade in true middle school fashion that my (possible) twin flame had cheated on his girlfriend who happened to me one of my friends since the second grade. I’ve never liked cheaters. For some reason, it really bothered me that he did that so much so I did something completely uncharacteristic in the middle of class and called him out on it. I did it cleverly, the teacher was picking him to read and elaborate so I did it for him while poking a dig at what he had done and silence fell over the classroom. Everyone knew what I meant when I raised my hand and made that comment, instead of raising my hand and just plainly participating. They had been just as shocked as I was that I even said anything when the situation had nothing and I mean nothing to do with me. My heart was racing but when I was done I felt oddly proud I did it. I had turned my head to gain sight of him when I did it and he could only look down at his paper.
I had helped him write papers, know the answers to questions, he called me smart once when the sun gleamed through the room and fell on us both perfectly and nearly short of breath all I could respond was a thank you at the compliment. I know he’s good which is why maybe I couldn’t stand for him being otherwise I don’t know. All I can think of in those moments are the push and pull I swear I feel when I look at him. The warmth that’s not exclusive to my skin in the sun but always follows me at the pit of my stomach I swear whenever I looked at him. But at that description I can’t help but think: what if I’m making this all up? what if that’s what I thought I felt? what if I’m just romanticizing all of this?
What if after that last dance when I fell asleep on his shoulder on the car ride home and he lulled me back to sleep when I was waking up with his hand on my cheek, and put his number in my phone when we parted ways was just something that happened. Or him looking at me and trying to annoy me in the pool on our last school trip. Or the fact that we were never really friends. I just don’t want this all to be in my head. I keep dreaming about him. There’s about 12 dreams I’ve documented (there have definitely been more) all where he has been in it playing some sort of role of significance to me for more than a year. In most of them, we're teetering between the fine line of friendship and love and romance and all of this is driving me crazy because I have to know I’m not some crazy, obsessive love sick idiot, I mean this is just not what I do. I’m only 18, maybe that’s not a long time to know what I do when I’m interested romantically in someone but it’s not this.
The summer after 8th grade graduation I had learned from his best friend (because he had asked me for advice on how to woo this girl he liked) that every single time his best friend had been interested in a girl he was always interested in them as well. Try to steal them from his best friend (like a horrible person?!?!). I had told him that wasn’t his best friend if that was the case and that he shouldn’t be friends with him but the worst part about all of that is (besides them still being friends, I don’t really know for sure if they are) that apart of me connected to him on that. The horrible feeling, the insecurity that must stem inside from someone wanting to steal someone from someone else, best friend or not. I’ve never had that urge but there’s always been a twisted part of me that thought that I was the same way, I was only better at hiding it. I was that way on the inside. That I could have the ability to take what I want, who I want, with no consequence because of who I am, and how I look. I still felt this disappointment like this was who I l*ked? but I still felt it. I don’t know why and I didn’t like that I did. So I pushed it to the side and welcomed the new aspects of my life instead.
As mentioned this connection didn’t stop (clearly) when we parted ways. I still wrote about him in high school in freshman and sophomore year like twice, then this letter in senior year that was supposed to act as a goodbye right after the first couple of dreams started. I had just felt these intense feelings of, I don’t know how to describe it wanting to be in his presence. It wasn’t so much so missing him it was just wanting to be where he was or vise versa. Wanting to know what he was doing, how he was feeling, wanting to be near him. At the time I thought I had just missed being interested in someone romantically and thought I was pathetic so I pushed the feelings aside. I buried them. They would come in spurts but for the most part not really.
I kept up with what he was doing, not always proud. Mostly cringing because we’re teenagers and that’s what we do. I still couldn’t help but be curious but I looked away ashamed every time that someone had this pull, this hold over me, I didn’t know what it was about him or if it was even him or if it was me. Even when I was learning what he was doing and I wasn’t proud of it. I make them sound like they were bad things but they weren't it was just stuff i wouldn't post half the time.
There came a time I don’t know if it was sophomore or junior year (when I had cut my first toxic friend out of my life for the first time ever, proud to say I haven’t had anymore) where I was just fed up with it or indifferent to it I don’t know. I just remember thinking it was pointless that I still followed him on social media and feel the way I did, the pull, the tug, when he posted. So I unfollowed him. I considered it me finally moving on in my life. And I think it worked. Sort of.
I hadn’t heard seen of or thought of him in a while except for the once in a blue moon thought of him and then my mother’s birthday came. A little context for what’s happening in this wonderful time. It’s June. The summer marking the end of junior year. I’ve finished my SAT program where I met this amazing guy who in July I would go on my first date with (we were completely astrologically compatible, he was perfect) and in a few days time at the end of June I would realize I actually had pretty strong feelings (I was in love with her) for one of my closest friends all the while she was going through a rough time at home. June 15th, my mother’s birthday, would be the day I saw him again (I think).
That day had been rough at the start. My older sister had been arguing with me, before I had to get ready to take my grandma to the supermarket, about my future. She was concerned that I wanted a job over the summer and during the school year and what it meant. She thought I had prioritized that over getting a higher sat score or college and money over education. We we’re yelling at each other and I had not been feeling or looking my best either. I made my way to the supermarket in a huff with my grandma. It wasn’t the supermarket we usually went to, for some reason we couldn’t go to the one closest to my house. I didn’t have to take her to this one specifically now that I think of it. It might’ve just been fate.
My grandma posed (loudly as she does) a question as to where something was and I, already annoyed I had to take her yet grateful to be out of the house, informed her I didn’t know because my family never shops at this supermarket. While saying it out loud my eyes rolled and thus drift from her figure to this person on the phone with a cart or bags or something on the floor. I think we lock eyes for a second. It's weird because it like it happened in slow motion if that makes sense. I keep moving with my grandmother because at that point it doesn’t register to me yet that it might’ve been him. I get this weird feeling while my grandma keeps touching the produce and asking questions. Something tugs at me on the inside, the core of my stomach. My own questions and a feeling persists in me, confusion at a forefront. I’m going back and forth with my self for a few seconds before I decide to go to where I thought saw him standing, thinking already of what to say in my head if I do.
I don’t find him though, I look around a couple of aisles and don’t see him. I don’t know if I see the back of his figure at the cash register in one of those aisles but I finish shopping with my grandma. I chalk it up to coincidence because I have one more stop to make with my grandma until I go home. That is until I see him (potentially) walking on the other side of the street, down the same hill my grandma and I were walking on, turning the opposite direction I was going. I knew it was him because of the bags, he was walking down fast. I saw him make the turn before we did only taking a left instead of going right. I think he might've been heading to his house because I'd assumed in the 7th grade he lived around there when he interrupted this moment between me and one of my friends (who had a crush on me, I was trying to let him down easy) where he had been insinuating we were on some sort of date. 7th grade me thought it was painfully ironic (I still do).
Anyways I keep playing the moment in the supermarket in slow motion in my head because I think it’s him but I never know for sure. It could’ve been a complete stranger. I don’t know. I had more pressing things to figure out that summer, as I quite literally went through the bisexual crisis with my respective love interests (I guess we’ll call them that). I figured out I’d been in love with my best friend for a while now and everything is great because she feels the same for me (i found that out in the fall, come October).
There’s a bit of drama because it takes a few months to sort through our shit and me to figure out what I want. I wanted her. I wanted her more than I cared about what I thought a relationship was supposed to be at the age of like 9, I cared about what she wanted, I cared about my happiness and hers more than my own. Our relationship came with the new year, it was January. Then the dreams came as the months started to pass, some days turbulent because of my inability to know what I wanted at the time, feeling angry at myself and everyone and taking it out on the people I cared about. Around April the dreams came and they wouldn’t stop. One was about finding him while most had him playing an important role, which we play the fine line between friendship and something more.
When the dreams kept coming I panicked I didn’t know what it all meant. I looked up what it could possibly mean and the twin flame articles came. I’m the type of person that considers every possibility, so I had to look into it. Even though I sincerely doubted it. I mean it couldn’t have been him, someone I had a handful of encounters with and probably doesn’t even remember I exist. I had a girlfriend, I was supposed to be content and happy and sometimes I was (when I wasn’t angry at myself). Then I would have the dreams and wake up frustrated and confused because the contentedness, the lightness, or even intensity in the feelings, in the dreams were feelings I wanted to chase. I just wanted to figure out what it all meant.
I panicked and told the only person in my life currently who knew who I was talking about what it could all mean. I had determined that the dreams were just occurring because in typical me fashion I was preparing myself for the inevitable heartbreak that was coming my way come august and I would leave for college. I knew I couldn’t do long distance, that it would change things for the worst and I couldn’t risk doing that to us. Hurting my girlfriend, one of my best friends in any way was not an option. So I just chalked it up to my subconscious trying to help me move on with a potential unresolved partner (stranger is more like it).
The months came and went again while the dreams still persisted, august arrived and I had broken up with my girlfriend. It seemed like the dreams were over. Until it wasn’t.
I had still kept having the dreams, so my heartbreak theory hadn’t quite panned out. I then thought okay what if I’m just trying to cling onto the past because I’m being confronted the unfamiliar right now, I’m in college, in a new setting, it was plausible. But then as I was getting more frustrated with the dreams coming more into terms with the twin flame theory I asked the universe for a sign and it gave me one in the form of one of my most vivid dreams yet.
It confirmed that we were probably supposed to help each other I concluded in some way temporarily, nothing in the dream suggested longevity or even really romance except for gazes, feelings, and hopeful looks and promises of seeing each other again and even that could just be platonic. There’s always something about the intensity of the feelings, the doorway in this dream I quite literally was pulled into that separated it from all the rest, made it feel so real and vivid. The warmth was felt in the dream and soon I felt it in real-time too, I began waking up a bit and grew physically warm in my bed. The dream was nothing like I ever felt before. It made me wonder if it was just all in my head, if it was possible he could be having these dreams too. Not gonna lie I would feel so relieved if he did, so I would know I’m not completely insane.
I went down the rabid hole of tarot readings, I only allowed it in small increments. Maybe like three or four readings in total and they all told me variations of the same thing. That he was my twin flame. That he was probably an earth or fire sign (his sun is in Virgo and possibly his moon is a fire sign and these elements are most likely his most dominant placements I think) and there's a karmic link where there was a teacher-student or wiser more emotionally mature person was involved. All things that could’ve transcended to this life, all things that are evidenced in my life. His birthday is accurate to it, I helped him with schoolwork, and am definitely more emotionally mature (that I know of, sometimes with all this I forget were basically acquaintances). All the signs were there but I was the only person recognizing it and it was making me crazy.
The dreams had sort of stopped again for a while until they came back and now it seems like I’m stuck with not only this but signs everywhere. I’ve documented every time I’ve seen 11:11 since the end of May and I’ve seen it so many times. He’s crush number three, and three is my favorite number. I hadn’t realized the number three was on the front and back of one of my favorite shirts I bought until recently. I read his name in a story while it was 11:11. I saw 11 11 just clicking on a random show to potentially watch, that was the last episode streamed and it wasn’t even by me. I read his name in a story then randomly looked at the time and it was 11:11. I think about him a lot, unprovoked. It’s like the universe keeps taunting me knowing I can’t make a next move because that’s insane. I haven't talked to him in maybe over four years. I watched another twin flame tarot (just 1) and it told me everything we had evidenced in this life (besides our limited backstory).
Sometimes I can’t breathe when I see a post because it just catches me off guard, there’s these emotions that overcome me. I get distracted but then frustrated at myself for letting someone have this effect on me when I have not one effect on him (most likely).
I can’t just talk to him out of the blue, we’ve never spoken like that before. it’s odd and I could never do it. I have to let fate handle the rest. Serendipity and the sleep/awake twin flame thing made some points. If it’ll happen, it’ll happen in the most unsuspecting way. I have to focus on me right now as the “awake” person in this part of the connection. If this whole thing is even right, it’s just been driving me crazy I really hope this isn’t all in my head. I’ve always believed in true love and soulmates and everything and even if that’s not what’s happening here (which I kinda get the sense it might) I want to believe in it. Because I believe in fate and destiny. I just have to be patient, I have to believe in the universe, I have to believe in me and send nothing but good intentions his way. Even after everything still don't know if he's really my twinflame.
submitted by astr_grl to TwinFlamesUniverse [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 11:02 astr_grl Is he my twin flame?

This is gonna be really long as it's a condensed story of my journey over the last four years so just bear with me if you can and thank you for reading <3 I'd really appreciate the advice.
If I’m speaking honestly the details on how we met are a little foggy. He came to my small middle school In the sixth grade right at the start of middle school. Where everyone knew everyone because it was so small. He was the new kid waving at me through the door that I couldn’t really see him through. He was already one of the cutest guys in the school. I ,while not even really seeing him, felt this attraction. The teacher had even pointed out the commotion his arrival brought to the girls in school and I felt myself getting embarrassed while not even knowing or really seeing him.
Something just always, even now, seems like it’s pulling me toward him. So my eyes would always follow where he was in a room. I just couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like any other crush I had ever experienced up until that point (or even now). I hadn’t been able to talk to him because we were in different classes or ran in different social circles but I still felt something towards him and couldn’t even figure out why it passed the surface until I did. Joking around with him and speaking in accents before we were interrupted in 7th grade aside or the time he extended his arm to me to cling on to in the train. I got to talk to interact with him more before we parted ways in the 8th grade than any other time.
There was this moment that I didn’t realize at the time had been me possibly testing or pushing the buttons of my (possible) twin flame when we were in class. I had learned along with everyone else in the grade in true middle school fashion that my (possible) twin flame had cheated on his girlfriend who happened to me one of my friends since the second grade. I’ve never liked cheaters. For some reason, it really bothered me that he did that so much so I did something completely uncharacteristic in the middle of class and called him out on it. I did it cleverly, the teacher was picking him to read and elaborate so I did it for him while poking a dig at what he had done and silence fell over the classroom. Everyone knew what I meant when I raised my hand and made that comment, instead of raising my hand and just plainly participating. They had been just as shocked as I was that I even said anything when the situation had nothing and I mean nothing to do with me. My heart was racing but when I was done I felt oddly proud I did it. I had turned my head to gain sight of him when I did it and he could only look down at his paper.
I had helped him write papers, know the answers to questions, he called me smart once when the sun gleamed through the room and fell on us both perfectly and nearly short of breath all I could respond was a thank you at the compliment. I know he’s good which is why maybe I couldn’t stand for him being otherwise I don’t know. All I can think of in those moments are the push and pull I swear I feel when I look at him. The warmth that’s not exclusive to my skin in the sun but always follows me at the pit of my stomach I swear whenever I looked at him. But at that description I can’t help but think: what if I’m making this all up? what if that’s what I thought I felt? what if I’m just romanticizing all of this?
What if after that last dance when I fell asleep on his shoulder on the car ride home and he lulled me back to sleep when I was waking up with his hand on my cheek, and put his number in my phone when we parted ways was just something that happened. Or him looking at me and trying to annoy me in the pool on our last school trip. Or the fact that we were never really friends. I just don’t want this all to be in my head. I keep dreaming about him. There’s about 12 dreams I’ve documented (there have definitely been more) all where he has been in it playing some sort of role of significance to me for more than a year. In most of them, we're teetering between the fine line of friendship and love and romance and all of this is driving me crazy because I have to know I’m not some crazy, obsessive love sick idiot, I mean this is just not what I do. I’m only 18, maybe that’s not a long time to know what I do when I’m interested romantically in someone but it’s not this.
The summer after 8th grade graduation I had learned from his best friend (because he had asked me for advice on how to woo this girl he liked) that every single time his best friend had been interested in a girl he was always interested in them as well. Try to steal them from his best friend (like a horrible person?!?!). I had told him that wasn’t his best friend if that was the case and that he shouldn’t be friends with him but the worst part about all of that is (besides them still being friends, I don’t really know for sure if they are) that apart of me connected to him on that. The horrible feeling, the insecurity that must stem inside from someone wanting to steal someone from someone else, best friend or not. I’ve never had that urge but there’s always been a twisted part of me that thought that I was the same way, I was only better at hiding it. I was that way on the inside. That I could have the ability to take what I want, who I want, with no consequence because of who I am, and how I look. I still felt this disappointment like this was who I l*ked? but I still felt it. I don’t know why and I didn’t like that I did. So I pushed it to the side and welcomed the new aspects of my life instead.
As mentioned this connection didn’t stop (clearly) when we parted ways. I still wrote about him in high school in freshman and sophomore year like twice, then this letter in senior year that was supposed to act as a goodbye right after the first couple of dreams started. I had just felt these intense feelings of, I don’t know how to describe it wanting to be in his presence. It wasn’t so much so missing him it was just wanting to be where he was or vise versa. Wanting to know what he was doing, how he was feeling, wanting to be near him. At the time I thought I had just missed being interested in someone romantically and thought I was pathetic so I pushed the feelings aside. I buried them. They would come in spurts but for the most part not really.
I kept up with what he was doing, not always proud. Mostly cringing because we’re teenagers and that’s what we do. I still couldn’t help but be curious but I looked away ashamed every time that someone had this pull, this hold over me, I didn’t know what it was about him or if it was even him or if it was me. Even when I was learning what he was doing and I wasn’t proud of it. I make them sound like they were bad things but they weren't it was just stuff i wouldn't post half the time.
There came a time I don’t know if it was sophomore or junior year (when I had cut my first toxic friend out of my life for the first time ever, proud to say I haven’t had anymore) where I was just fed up with it or indifferent to it I don’t know. I just remember thinking it was pointless that I still followed him on social media and feel the way I did, the pull, the tug, when he posted. So I unfollowed him. I considered it me finally moving on in my life. And I think it worked. Sort of.
I hadn’t heard seen of or thought of him in a while except for the once in a blue moon thought of him and then my mother’s birthday came. A little context for what’s happening in this wonderful time. It’s June. The summer marking the end of junior year. I’ve finished my SAT program where I met this amazing guy who in July I would go on my first date with (we were completely astrologically compatible, he was perfect) and in a few days time at the end of June I would realize I actually had pretty strong feelings (I was in love with her) for one of my closest friends all the while she was going through a rough time at home. June 15th, my mother’s birthday, would be the day I saw him again (I think).
That day had been rough at the start. My older sister had been arguing with me, before I had to get ready to take my grandma to the supermarket, about my future. She was concerned that I wanted a job over the summer and during the school year and what it meant. She thought I had prioritized that over getting a higher sat score or college and money over education. We we’re yelling at each other and I had not been feeling or looking my best either. I made my way to the supermarket in a huff with my grandma. It wasn’t the supermarket we usually went to, for some reason we couldn’t go to the one closest to my house. I didn’t have to take her to this one specifically now that I think of it. It might’ve just been fate.
My grandma posed (loudly as she does) a question as to where something was and I, already annoyed I had to take her yet grateful to be out of the house, informed her I didn’t know because my family never shops at this supermarket. While saying it out loud my eyes rolled and thus drift from her figure to this person on the phone with a cart or bags or something on the floor. I think we lock eyes for a second. It's weird because it like it happened in slow motion if that makes sense. I keep moving with my grandmother because at that point it doesn’t register to me yet that it might’ve been him. I get this weird feeling while my grandma keeps touching the produce and asking questions. Something tugs at me on the inside, the core of my stomach. My own questions and a feeling persists in me, confusion at a forefront. I’m going back and forth with my self for a few seconds before I decide to go to where I thought saw him standing, thinking already of what to say in my head if I do.
I don’t find him though, I look around a couple of aisles and don’t see him. I don’t know if I see the back of his figure at the cash register in one of those aisles but I finish shopping with my grandma. I chalk it up to coincidence because I have one more stop to make with my grandma until I go home. That is until I see him (potentially) walking on the other side of the street, down the same hill my grandma and I were walking on, turning the opposite direction I was going. I knew it was him because of the bags, he was walking down fast. I saw him make the turn before we did only taking a left instead of going right. I think he might've been heading to his house because I'd assumed in the 7th grade he lived around there when he interrupted this moment between me and one of my friends (who had a crush on me, I was trying to let him down easy) where he had been insinuating we were on some sort of date. 7th grade me thought it was painfully ironic (I still do).
Anyways I keep playing the moment in the supermarket in slow motion in my head because I think it’s him but I never know for sure. It could’ve been a complete stranger. I don’t know. I had more pressing things to figure out that summer, as I quite literally went through the bisexual crisis with my respective love interests (I guess we’ll call them that). I figured out I’d been in love with my best friend for a while now and everything is great because she feels the same for me (i found that out in the fall, come October).
There’s a bit of drama because it takes a few months to sort through our shit and me to figure out what I want. I wanted her. I wanted her more than I cared about what I thought a relationship was supposed to be at the age of like 9, I cared about what she wanted, I cared about my happiness and hers more than my own. Our relationship came with the new year, it was January. Then the dreams came as the months started to pass, some days turbulent because of my inability to know what I wanted at the time, feeling angry at myself and everyone and taking it out on the people I cared about. Around April the dreams came and they wouldn’t stop. One was about finding him while most had him playing an important role, which we play the fine line between friendship and something more.
When the dreams kept coming I panicked I didn’t know what it all meant. I looked up what it could possibly mean and the twin flame articles came. I’m the type of person that considers every possibility, so I had to look into it. Even though I sincerely doubted it. I mean it couldn’t have been him, someone I had a handful of encounters with and probably doesn’t even remember I exist. I had a girlfriend, I was supposed to be content and happy and sometimes I was (when I wasn’t angry at myself). Then I would have the dreams and wake up frustrated and confused because the contentedness, the lightness, or even intensity in the feelings, in the dreams were feelings I wanted to chase. I just wanted to figure out what it all meant.
I panicked and told the only person in my life currently who knew who I was talking about what it could all mean. I had determined that the dreams were just occurring because in typical me fashion I was preparing myself for the inevitable heartbreak that was coming my way come august and I would leave for college. I knew I couldn’t do long distance, that it would change things for the worst and I couldn’t risk doing that to us. Hurting my girlfriend, one of my best friends in any way was not an option. So I just chalked it up to my subconscious trying to help me move on with a potential unresolved partner (stranger is more like it).
The months came and went again while the dreams still persisted, august arrived and I had broken up with my girlfriend. It seemed like the dreams were over. Until it wasn’t.
I had still kept having the dreams, so my heartbreak theory hadn’t quite panned out. I then thought okay what if I’m just trying to cling onto the past because I’m being confronted the unfamiliar right now, I’m in college, in a new setting, it was plausible. But then as I was getting more frustrated with the dreams coming more into terms with the twin flame theory I asked the universe for a sign and it gave me one in the form of one of my most vivid dreams yet.
It confirmed that we were probably supposed to help each other I concluded in some way temporarily, nothing in the dream suggested longevity or even really romance except for gazes, feelings, and hopeful looks and promises of seeing each other again and even that could just be platonic. There’s always something about the intensity of the feelings, the doorway in this dream I quite literally was pulled into that separated it from all the rest, made it feel so real and vivid. The warmth was felt in the dream and soon I felt it in real-time too, I began waking up a bit and grew physically warm in my bed. The dream was nothing like I ever felt before. It made me wonder if it was just all in my head, if it was possible he could be having these dreams too. Not gonna lie I would feel so relieved if he did, so I would know I’m not completely insane.
I went down the rabid hole of tarot readings, I only allowed it in small increments. Maybe like three or four readings in total and they all told me variations of the same thing. That he was my twin flame. That he was probably an earth or fire sign (his sun is in Virgo and possibly his moon is a fire sign and these elements are most likely his most dominant placements I think) and there's a karmic link where there was a teacher-student or wiser more emotionally mature person was involved. All things that could’ve transcended to this life, all things that are evidenced in my life. His birthday is accurate to it, I helped him with schoolwork, and am definitely more emotionally mature (that I know of, sometimes with all this I forget were basically acquaintances). All the signs were there but I was the only person recognizing it and it was making me crazy.
The dreams had sort of stopped again for a while until they came back and now it seems like I’m stuck with not only this but signs everywhere. I’ve documented every time I’ve seen 11:11 since the end of May and I’ve seen it so many times. He’s crush number three, and three is my favorite number. I hadn’t realized the number three was on the front and back of one of my favorite shirts I bought until recently. I read his name in a story while it was 11:11. I saw 11 11 just clicking on a random show to potentially watch, that was the last episode streamed and it wasn’t even by me. I read his name in a story then randomly looked at the time and it was 11:11. I think about him a lot, unprovoked. It’s like the universe keeps taunting me knowing I can’t make a next move because that’s insane. I haven't talked to him in maybe over four years. I watched another twin flame tarot (just 1) and it told me everything we had evidenced in this life (besides our limited backstory).
Sometimes I can’t breathe when I see a post because it just catches me off guard, there’s these emotions that overcome me. I get distracted but then frustrated at myself for letting someone have this effect on me when I have not one effect on him (most likely).
I can’t just talk to him out of the blue, we’ve never spoken like that before. it’s odd and I could never do it. I have to let fate handle the rest. Serendipity and the sleep/awake twin flame thing made some points. If it’ll happen, it’ll happen in the most unsuspecting way. I have to focus on me right now as the “awake” person in this part of the connection. If this whole thing is even right, it’s just been driving me crazy I really hope this isn’t all in my head. I’ve always believed in true love and soulmates and everything and even if that’s not what’s happening here (which I kinda get the sense it might) I want to believe in it. Because I believe in fate and destiny. I just have to be patient, I have to believe in the universe, I have to believe in me and send nothing but good intentions his way. Even after everything still don't know if he's really my twinflame.
submitted by astr_grl to Psychic [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 10:44 astr_grl I don't know if he's my twin flame or not

This is gonna be really long as it's a condensed story of my journey over the last four years so just bear with me if you can and thank you for reading <3 I'd really appreciate the advice.
If I’m speaking honestly the details on how we met are a little foggy. He came to my small middle school In the sixth grade right at the start of middle school. Where everyone knew everyone because it was so small. He was the new kid waving at me through the door that I couldn’t really see him through. He was already one of the cutest guys in the school. I ,while not even really seeing him, felt this attraction. The teacher had even pointed out the commotion his arrival brought to the girls in school and I felt myself getting embarrassed while not even knowing or really seeing him.
Something just always, even now, seems like it’s pulling me toward him. So my eyes would always follow where he was in a room. I just couldn’t help it. It wasn’t like any other crush I had ever experienced up until that point (or even now). I hadn’t been able to talk to him because we were in different classes or ran in different social circles but I still felt something towards him and couldn’t even figure out why it passed the surface until I did. Joking around with him and speaking in accents before we were interrupted in 7th grade aside or the time he extended his arm to me to cling on to in the train. I got to talk to interact with him more before we parted ways in the 8th grade than any other time.
There was this moment that I didn’t realize at the time had been me possibly testing or pushing the buttons of my (possible) twin flame when we were in class. I had learned along with everyone else in the grade in true middle school fashion that my (possible) twin flame had cheated on his girlfriend who happened to me one of my friends since the second grade. I’ve never liked cheaters. For some reason, it really bothered me that he did that so much so I did something completely uncharacteristic in the middle of class and called him out on it. I did it cleverly, the teacher was picking him to read and elaborate so I did it for him while poking a dig at what he had done and silence fell over the classroom. Everyone knew what I meant when I raised my hand and made that comment, instead of raising my hand and just plainly participating. They had been just as shocked as I was that I even said anything when the situation had nothing and I mean nothing to do with me. My heart was racing but when I was done I felt oddly proud I did it. I had turned my head to gain sight of him when I did it and he could only look down at his paper.
I had helped him write papers, know the answers to questions, he called me smart once when the sun gleamed through the room and fell on us both perfectly and nearly short of breath all I could respond was a thank you at the compliment. I know he’s good which is why maybe I couldn’t stand for him being otherwise I don’t know. All I can think of in those moments are the push and pull I swear I feel when I look at him. The warmth that’s not exclusive to my skin in the sun but always follows me at the pit of my stomach I swear whenever I looked at him. But at that description I can’t help but think: what if I’m making this all up? what if that’s what I thought I felt? what if I’m just romanticizing all of this?
What if after that last dance when I fell asleep on his shoulder on the car ride home and he lulled me back to sleep when I was waking up with his hand on my cheek, and put his number in my phone when we parted ways was just something that happened. Or him looking at me and trying to annoy me in the pool on our last school trip. Or the fact that we were never really friends. I just don’t want this all to be in my head. I keep dreaming about him. There’s about 12 dreams I’ve documented (there have definitely been more) all where he has been in it playing some sort of role of significance to me for more than a year. In most of them, we're teetering between the fine line of friendship and love and romance and all of this is driving me crazy because I have to know I’m not some crazy, obsessive love sick idiot, I mean this is just not what I do. I’m only 18, maybe that’s not a long time to know what I do when I’m interested romantically in someone but it’s not this.
The summer after 8th grade graduation I had learned from his best friend (because he had asked me for advice on how to woo this girl he liked) that every single time his best friend had been interested in a girl he was always interested in them as well. Try to steal them from his best friend (like a horrible person?!?!). I had told him that wasn’t his best friend if that was the case and that he shouldn’t be friends with him but the worst part about all of that is (besides them still being friends, I don’t really know for sure if they are) that apart of me connected to him on that. The horrible feeling, the insecurity that must stem inside from someone wanting to steal someone from someone else, best friend or not. I’ve never had that urge but there’s always been a twisted part of me that thought that I was the same way, I was only better at hiding it. I was that way on the inside. That I could have the ability to take what I want, who I want, with no consequence because of who I am, and how I look. I still felt this disappointment like this was who I l*ked? but I still felt it. I don’t know why and I didn’t like that I did. So I pushed it to the side and welcomed the new aspects of my life instead.
As mentioned this connection didn’t stop (clearly) when we parted ways. I still wrote about him in high school in freshman and sophomore year like twice, then this letter in senior year that was supposed to act as a goodbye right after the first couple of dreams started. I had just felt these intense feelings of, I don’t know how to describe it wanting to be in his presence. It wasn’t so much so missing him it was just wanting to be where he was or vise versa. Wanting to know what he was doing, how he was feeling, wanting to be near him. At the time I thought I had just missed being interested in someone romantically and thought I was pathetic so I pushed the feelings aside. I buried them. They would come in spurts but for the most part not really.
I kept up with what he was doing, not always proud. Mostly cringing because we’re teenagers and that’s what we do. I still couldn’t help but be curious but I looked away ashamed every time that someone had this pull, this hold over me, I didn’t know what it was about him or if it was even him or if it was me. Even when I was learning what he was doing and I wasn’t proud of it. I make them sound like they were bad things but they weren't it was just stuff i wouldn't post half the time.
There came a time I don’t know if it was sophomore or junior year (when I had cut my first toxic friend out of my life for the first time ever, proud to say I haven’t had anymore) where I was just fed up with it or indifferent to it I don’t know. I just remember thinking it was pointless that I still followed him on social media and feel the way I did, the pull, the tug, when he posted. So I unfollowed him. I considered it me finally moving on in my life. And I think it worked. Sort of.
I hadn’t heard seen of or thought of him in a while except for the once in a blue moon thought of him and then my mother’s birthday came. A little context for what’s happening in this wonderful time. It’s June. The summer marking the end of junior year. I’ve finished my SAT program where I met this amazing guy who in July I would go on my first date with (we were completely astrologically compatible, he was perfect) and in a few days time at the end of June I would realize I actually had pretty strong feelings (I was in love with her) for one of my closest friends all the while she was going through a rough time at home. June 15th, my mother’s birthday, would be the day I saw him again (I think).
That day had been rough at the start. My older sister had been arguing with me, before I had to get ready to take my grandma to the supermarket, about my future. She was concerned that I wanted a job over the summer and during the school year and what it meant. She thought I had prioritized that over getting a higher sat score or college and money over education. We we’re yelling at each other and I had not been feeling or looking my best either. I made my way to the supermarket in a huff with my grandma. It wasn’t the supermarket we usually went to, for some reason we couldn’t go to the one closest to my house. I didn’t have to take her to this one specifically now that I think of it. It might’ve just been fate.
My grandma posed (loudly as she does) a question as to where something was and I, already annoyed I had to take her yet grateful to be out of the house, informed her I didn’t know because my family never shops at this supermarket. While saying it out loud my eyes rolled and thus drift from her figure to this person on the phone with a cart or bags or something on the floor. I think we lock eyes for a second. It's weird because it like it happened in slow motion if that makes sense. I keep moving with my grandmother because at that point it doesn’t register to me yet that it might’ve been him. I get this weird feeling while my grandma keeps touching the produce and asking questions. Something tugs at me on the inside, the core of my stomach. My own questions and a feeling persists in me, confusion at a forefront. I’m going back and forth with my self for a few seconds before I decide to go to where I thought saw him standing, thinking already of what to say in my head if I do.
I don’t find him though, I look around a couple of aisles and don’t see him. I don’t know if I see the back of his figure at the cash register in one of those aisles but I finish shopping with my grandma. I chalk it up to coincidence because I have one more stop to make with my grandma until I go home. That is until I see him (potentially) walking on the other side of the street, down the same hill my grandma and I were walking on, turning the opposite direction I was going. I knew it was him because of the bags, he was walking down fast. I saw him make the turn before we did only taking a left instead of going right. I think he might've been heading to his house because I'd assumed in the 7th grade he lived around there when he interrupted this moment between me and one of my friends (who had a crush on me, I was trying to let him down easy) where he had been insinuating we were on some sort of date. 7th grade me thought it was painfully ironic (I still do).
Anyways I keep playing the moment in the supermarket in slow motion in my head because I think it’s him but I never know for sure. It could’ve been a complete stranger. I don’t know. I had more pressing things to figure out that summer, as I quite literally went through the bisexual crisis with my respective love interests (I guess we’ll call them that). I figured out I’d been in love with my best friend for a while now and everything is great because she feels the same for me (i found that out in the fall, come October).
There’s a bit of drama because it takes a few months to sort through our shit and me to figure out what I want. I wanted her. I wanted her more than I cared about what I thought a relationship was supposed to be at the age of like 9, I cared about what she wanted, I cared about my happiness and hers more than my own. Our relationship came with the new year, it was January. Then the dreams came as the months started to pass, some days turbulent because of my inability to know what I wanted at the time, feeling angry at myself and everyone and taking it out on the people I cared about. Around April the dreams came and they wouldn’t stop. One was about finding him while most had him playing an important role, which we play the fine line between friendship and something more.
When the dreams kept coming I panicked I didn’t know what it all meant. I looked up what it could possibly mean and the twin flame articles came. I’m the type of person that considers every possibility, so I had to look into it. Even though I sincerely doubted it. I mean it couldn’t have been him, someone I had a handful of encounters with and probably doesn’t even remember I exist. I had a girlfriend, I was supposed to be content and happy and sometimes I was (when I wasn’t angry at myself). Then I would have the dreams and wake up frustrated and confused because the contentedness, the lightness, or even intensity in the feelings, in the dreams were feelings I wanted to chase. I just wanted to figure out what it all meant.
I panicked and told the only person in my life currently who knew who I was talking about what it could all mean. I had determined that the dreams were just occurring because in typical me fashion I was preparing myself for the inevitable heartbreak that was coming my way come august and I would leave for college. I knew I couldn’t do long distance, that it would change things for the worst and I couldn’t risk doing that to us. Hurting my girlfriend, one of my best friends in any way was not an option. So I just chalked it up to my subconscious trying to help me move on with a potential unresolved partner (stranger is more like it).
The months came and went again while the dreams still persisted, august arrived and I had broken up with my girlfriend. It seemed like the dreams were over. Until it wasn’t.
I had still kept having the dreams, so my heartbreak theory hadn’t quite panned out. I then thought okay what if I’m just trying to cling onto the past because I’m being confronted the unfamiliar right now, I’m in college, in a new setting, it was plausible. But then as I was getting more frustrated with the dreams coming more into terms with the twin flame theory I asked the universe for a sign and it gave me one in the form of one of my most vivid dreams yet.
It confirmed that we were probably supposed to help each other I concluded in some way temporarily, nothing in the dream suggested longevity or even really romance except for gazes, feelings, and hopeful looks and promises of seeing each other again and even that could just be platonic. There’s always something about the intensity of the feelings, the doorway in this dream I quite literally was pulled into that separated it from all the rest, made it feel so real and vivid. The warmth was felt in the dream and soon I felt it in real-time too, I began waking up a bit and grew physically warm in my bed. The dream was nothing like I ever felt before. It made me wonder if it was just all in my head, if it was possible he could be having these dreams too. Not gonna lie I would feel so relieved if he did, so I would know I’m not completely insane.
I went down the rabid hole of tarot readings, I only allowed it in small increments. Maybe like three or four readings in total and they all told me variations of the same thing. That he was my twin flame. That he was probably an earth or fire sign (his sun is in Virgo and possibly his moon is a fire sign and these elements are most likely his most dominant placements I think) and there's a karmic link where there was a teacher-student or wiser more emotionally mature person was involved. All things that could’ve transcended to this life, all things that are evidenced in my life. His birthday is accurate to it, I helped him with schoolwork, and am definitely more emotionally mature (that I know of, sometimes with all this I forget were basically acquaintances). All the signs were there but I was the only person recognizing it and it was making me crazy.
The dreams had sort of stopped again for a while until they came back and now it seems like I’m stuck with not only this but signs everywhere. I’ve documented every time I’ve seen 11:11 since the end of May and I’ve seen it so many times. He’s crush number three, and three is my favorite number. I hadn’t realized the number three was on the front and back of one of my favorite shirts I bought until recently. I read his name in a story while it was 11:11. I saw 11 11 just clicking on a random show to potentially watch, that was the last episode streamed and it wasn’t even by me. I read his name in a story then randomly looked at the time and it was 11:11. I think about him a lot, unprovoked. It’s like the universe keeps taunting me knowing I can’t make a next move because that’s insane. I haven't talked to him in maybe over four years. I watched another twin flame tarot (just 1) and it told me everything we had evidenced in this life (besides our limited backstory).
Sometimes I can’t breathe when I see a post because it just catches me off guard, there’s these emotions that overcome me. I get distracted but then frustrated at myself for letting someone have this effect on me when I have not one effect on him (most likely).
I can’t just talk to him out of the blue, we’ve never spoken like that before. it’s odd and I could never do it. I have to let fate handle the rest. Serendipity and the sleep/awake twin flame thing made some points. If it’ll happen, it’ll happen in the most unsuspecting way. I have to focus on me right now as the “awake” person in this part of the connection. If this whole thing is even right, it’s just been driving me crazy I really hope this isn’t all in my head. I’ve always believed in true love and soulmates and everything and even if that’s not what’s happening here (which I kinda get the sense it might) I want to believe in it. Because I believe in fate and destiny. I just have to be patient, I have to believe in the universe, I have to believe in me and send nothing but good intentions his way. Even after everything still don't know if he's really my twinflame.
submitted by astr_grl to twinflames [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:44 duplicito 10 years

This will be long winded and bittersweet, but I need to get it off my chest so here we go.
In 2010, I (23M now) joined a co-ed rowing team, where I would spend much of my time for the next 5 years. I made some (not many) friends in the first year, including the coach's daughter, a beautifully kind but sheltered soul with piercing green eyes that belied a fierce intelligence and strong will. I'll call her R.
Over the next year, I fell head over heels for R. Out of inexperience, I put her on a pedestal and thought she was absolutely perfect. A simple wave or smile from her would make my day, serotonin shooting through my brain at the speed only a horny teenage boy knows of. I worked myself up to ask her out that winter, which I did at the team's winter solstice party. When I told her how I felt, she stormed off in silence after giving me an incredulous look. I found out from our mutual friends that she wasn't interested, and the rest of winter training was really awkward, we hadn't spoken since. She broke the ice later that spring, apologizing for treating me so harshly, and we settled into a tenuous friendship, though I pledged to myself to never let her know my true feelings again.
Later on in high school, I found a girl from the team that was interested and started dating her, but we never truly clicked, and by senior year that was over. R was still often on my mind, but I had my sights set on college, and bigger and better things.
Fast forward a few years, and I'd had a few more girlfriends, all of whom I subconsciously measured against R. None of them could fill the hole R left in me, and the comparison wasn't fair to any of them. Still, I didn't know how else to move forward.
During the fall of my junior year of college, I met another girl, with beautiful long curly hair and a delightfully devilish sense of humor. I'll call her K. We had immediate chemistry, and were dating within weeks. Our communication was seamless and our interests were aligned, to the point where it felt like we could read each other's minds. More importantly, K filled that hole left by R better than anyone before, and helped with many other character flaws I hadn't noticed. I still thought about R sometimes, but those early days with K were absolutely idyllic.
When I graduated college, I was still with K, as I am today. (I'll marry her when the time is right, because she's the soul I'd want to spend eternity with) That summer, I took a job coaching for my old rowing team, helped by some old friends, including R. R and I got much closer over the summer, due to us both having matured over a 4 year gap. She was very flirty at times, but I soldiered on with my newfound commitment to K. R and I watched the summer go by from almost within reach of each other, but not quite, held back by my wavering hand, and I learned the true price of exclusivity and indecision.
That fall, K and R both had to go back to college, and within a week of her being there, K and I had broken strange new ground. I was her first and only sexual partner, and she was interested in trying an open relationship. I was interested and agreed, timing to my chagrin, because R had left mere weeks before...
After they left for school, I struggled to find a job, until I found a software dev company that wanted to pay me to train in NYC for 6 weeks (this was January 2020). NYC was an absolute blast, though I slipped deeper and deeper into the mentality of hookup culture, which in hindsight must have weighed heavily on K. In part due to my interest in lucid dreaming and psychedelic experiences, I began to keep a dream journal while I was there, writing down everything I could remember each morning. After a few weeks, I looked back through the journal, and...
R was in almost every single dream. My love for her had survived time, distance, and the existence of K. I contemplated what monogamy really meant, and if I could really truly love two people at once. When I brought this concept up to K, it became a great burden to her. Her mind would race with anxiety thinking of me fantasizing about others. I didn't even tell her how I felt about R, just the general concept, but it was enough for K to be done with the openness of our relationship, and justifiably so. By the time I left NYC, we were exclusive again, and K trusted me a little bit less I presume.
During the covid pandemic, I've been working from my parents' place, just down the river from the dock used by my old rowing team...... whom R is now a full time coach for. K and I are doing long distance, and we're both pretty happy with it, and I also talk to R almost every day. Though I'm living my dream of a stable, happy relationship with K, part of me still wants R all the time, and not even in a strictly sexual way, more of an addiction to her personality I guess. R has recently gotten her first ever boyfriend, and vents to me occasionally about her anxieties and worries, seeking wisdom and comfort, which it makes my day to give. This is what made me realize what unconditional love is, to want to be with someone regardless of whether they reciprocate.
I have no plans to ever leave K, and my friendship with R is blossoming into the most beautiful platonic relationship I've ever experienced, yet I unconditionally love them both.
K, if you read this, you will always be second to none in my eyes. You are my world, and I will follow you to the end.
R, if you read this, know that I'm not playing the long game, and I genuinely want to be a part of the bright future ahead of you. Maybe you can understand where I'm coming from now
submitted by duplicito to love [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 07:22 Snoopydooperton Anxious about applying to epi programs

Hey everyone! So I'm going through kind of a crisis when it comes to applying to grad schools. I'm a senior undergraduate majoring in a bachelor of Specialized Studies (BSS), specializing in biostatistics. This basically means that I created my own major and selected the courses of best fit (ha, stats pun). I plan to apply for the fall 2021 academic year, so application deadlines are coming up. My GPA is a 3.35 right now, and I'm afraid I won't be able to get into a decent program or have any funding due to the covid situation. I have research experience and will have my name on at least one paper by the time I graduate. I'm set to take the GRE late October, and I'm trying to study my butt off but with school taking up so much of my time I don't know how well that will benefit my application (I know a lot of schools are waiving the GRE requirement). Any advice on schools to apply to? Do I have a chance at getting into a decent MPH or MS program? Does anyone want to brag about their grad program (I'd love to add a few more schools to my list, so brag away!)?
Edit: spelling error
submitted by Snoopydooperton to epidemiology [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 03:34 Jossed_Luck I (31 M) was the creepy co-worker & feel super terrible about it

(New account, main is used for business purposes.)
{Wow! Longer than I intended, but man, feel better now that it's out.}
Background: 31, M, never been kissed/in a relationship. Gone on dates & asked, but haven't had anything yet. Been turned down ALOT, so used to it.
TLDR of background is had emotionally rough childhood/young adulthood & only in the past 5 years have I started to turn my life around. (Hope to finish grad school by the time I'm 35!)
Raised Catholic & to be considerate of others & think of their perspective when interacting with them...Hurting/bothering someone (without cause) is opposite of my values...
Story: ...which is why I just feel gawd-awful. Work at a warehouse. Been in my position at work for a few years, new girl starts at beginning of year. We'll call her 'Gwen.' My interpretation of her actions is that she is interested initially, but...
(1) We're at work & have to work together. (2) [On paper] While not Gwen's supervisor, I am 'senior' to her & for the first month or so, am required to assist in training her. (3) I could be misinterpreting (4) I prefer to get to know someone, before asking...
...During the initial months, our co-workers seem to split when we work together. During that time, I interpret her actions in the 1st month or two as very friendly, asking about me & fellow co-workers about my life & my grad degree & my family as 'being interested.' I also recognize the situation & given above, choose to do nothing...
...Months of working together, I think I get to know her & it seems we have similar backgrounds & values. I am only a year older & hobbies is where we variate. (I'm nerdy but love hiking & travel. She's athletic & loves biking/marathons). So thought long & hard, realized grad degree will pull me away from job in a year or so & that I'm not getting younger, so months of bad puns, bad jokes, forced conversations/interrogations, & YOLOED it and asked...
She said no. Took it in stride, nothing new & carried on. Friends knew I really liked her & encouraged me to try again. So I did, this time not making bad jokes & puns, but taking a month or so talk more about myself & focus more on relating to her, not just talking AT her. Another guy was actually getting places with her & I wasn't thinking clearly, so asked again in a super cheesy & kinda sleazy way. (Cracked a 'how you doing' joke.)
Creep Realization: Hard no. I did not take it well. Not because of Gwen, but because I realized I spent months chasing her & that all those 'getting there' moments were her really mocking me for not taking the hint. Realized all the time when Grwen was stone face silent, turned towards & watching me, it wasn't because she was 'captivated & thrilled' but uncertain of what the hell I was about...
Mortified, I gave her an (overblown, yet sincere) apology. {Further cementing the creepiness, in retrospect...}...To which she openly & viciously mocks me. Perhaps a little mockery was deserved, but the extent of it showed me what sort of person she really was...
Next couple of weeks, however, total hell. Rationally I understand she's fine, not a delicate flower & can handle herself & has (sadly) probably dealt with this before. (As misguided as my apology was, it was sincere...I took the time to consider myself in her situation for the past couple of months & regardless of gender, purposefully & intentionally annoying someone for MONTHS is not cool.) Emotionally, I see myself as a threat, internally raging at/shaming myself about how I acted & how bad it was.
(Awkward? Yes. Bad/worth self-beating? Probably not.) This creates a cycle, where I don't look at her, don't talk to her (after months of doing both) & generally exude angecreep vibes (Again, only person I was targeting was myself. Still, internal self-rage boils over & people pick up on it!) ...Eventually even asking management to take me off the shift, because (whether it was reality or not) "I don't want to make her feel unsafe." (Reflecting--Like, WTF, right?)
Compounding this was Gwen (& slowly, my fellow co-workers) starting to mock me more openly & directly. Given the circumstances? I don't totally blame them. Went from cool, calm, & collected senioteam-lead to emotionally boiling over in a night. My alarm bells would be ringing off, too, if someone did that...Which further fueled the whole self-angeshame & further increased the creepiness.
(Still--We're adults. While I wasn't inclined to talk about my problems, it doesn't give license to mock...)

Got to the point where I couldn't focus on work, because I felt so gawd-awful for the months of harassment (fortunately, non-sexual) that I put Gwen through, that I put in for an extended vacation & am currently cooling off, going to therapy, & figuring out why I feel this way. (Hint: Care to much about what others think. Learning to tactfully & selectively not give a ****)


TLDR: Took time to get to know a girl at work. Didn't act flirty or make any moves on her, but actually tried to learn who I thought she was as a person.
Reality was I was being super annoying, was constantly asking questions & forcing conversation on her, and ignored ALL signs of 'go away, not interested.' What I thought was respectful was actually indirect, needy, & painfully oblivious to the situation.
Asked twice, 2nd time cause some other guy was making moves on her & getting places. On 2nd no, realized how I had acted for MONTHS around her (Grab NiceGuy courtship script/checklist. Every single box.) and how that probably made her absolutely miserable/unsafe...

TLDR of TLDR: On vacation & distancing/reflecting. Her mocking & teasing me afterwards was wrong & shows how terrible of a person she is. Still, have great shame because of the duration & situation. (Gender is irrelevant) For months I acted entitled to their time & attention--even made a bad joke about it, once. They never said a word or complained directly too me. I steamrolled directly over their verbal & direct indication of disinterest. And then made it worse by not handling the fall out well. & then suddenly & with little explanation, went on an extended vacation...

Conclusion: And that is my story of how I went from sensible team lead to creepy guy at work in a couple of months. It wasn't intentional & I had the best intentions--to be respectful & mindful of the situation & team dynamics--but the lack of directness in approach & display of neediness highlighted my worse qualities, not my best...My handling of the realization was also terrible & only compounded the situation.
Hence my bucket of shame right now, that I pass to this corner of Reddit. I do genuinely feel bad about the situation--all I can do is learn from it & hope other people reading this learn from it as well.

Quick Notes:
  1. In therapy
  2. On vacation for a while
  3. K-12, was the one kid that everyone teased & picked on. Followed adults advice--made the adults lives easier, but not mine.
  4. Given background & 3, I am a bit socially awkward at times. Straight & serious conversations? All day. Light hearted, sociable, & funny? Working on it.
  5. Which means, thankfully, I didn't act/make any explicitly sexual comments (outside 'how you doing') at her. Placing myself in her situation, I wouldn't want to undergo months of that after I said 'No, thank you.'
submitted by Jossed_Luck to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 23:28 ch4928901 why can’t i be good at anything?

hi so i’m kind of sad right now and i just need to vent a little lol i’m just sad because i just am not good at anything. why can’t i be naturally good at anything? why do i always have to work my ass off for so much that i do? and then half the time, i just fall back on my ass and do bad even tho i worked really hard for it. i’ve had trouble school my whole life and my asian father pushed me to good and did do good, but i tried so hard. and right now, i’m in college and i’m frustrated because i can’t even do good on my Stats 1 homework and i keep getting stuff wrong even tho i have notes right in front me. i have adhd so i understand that makes it harder, but i just feel so fucking stupid. how am i supposed to become a nurse when i can’t even do my stats homework?
i also love dancing, but today someone pointed out how in my dance groups performance video how my timing was off and i knew that, but it just makes me sad; i practiced a lot and even learns everything so much faster than me and it feels like my brain just didn’t work.
i took this adhd test (i’m on ADHD meds now) and it sad that a lot of my cognitive functions, short term memory, and other stuff was low; i just wish i wasn’t so fucking stupid. i have a twin and she’s so smart and good at fucking everything. she was always advanced and i was always struggling. senior year of high school, i even took 6 AP classes and my dad didn’t give a shit. i got a 3.98 and the first thing he asked is “why isn’t it a 4.0?” even tho i had marching band and a part time job.
i also am sad because i wish i had a boyfriend. i’m gay so it’s harder but why have i only been able to feel romantically with like 3 guys? and the rest of the hookups were for me to find someone but it just seems like no one wants me right now which is okay and isn’t really my biggest problem because i have school and other things.
i know i’m resilient and im a social butterfly and i love making the people around me happy and i always put others before me, and i’m okay with that. but i’m just sad right now lol and the ADHD meds are making it worse i think and this is the first time i’ve been sad like this in a while. i’m starting therapy tomorrow and i’m excited to be able to talk about whoever i have about this but thank you for listening.
submitted by ch4928901 to helpme [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 22:32 That_1_Dude_You_Know My Experience with BYUPathway

Hello! I found another thread from latterdaysaints asking for others to share their experience and I figured I would share mine!
I decided about 3 or so years ago to give the program a try. I was making decent money and had no real reason to do it except to get into a college course and pursue a degree in business management.
I looked into what the program would let me do and what was helpful about it and all of that good stuff and quickly found it was a door opening opportunity for me. I had the time (it didn't require much) and the money (about $200 USD at the time per semester of Pathway and there were 3 semesters to the yeaprogram) so I figured I would do it since I enjoy taking opportunities.
I had not taken a college course before (converted to the church my senior year of high school, left on a mission a year later, then went straight into working after my mission and never really thought of college) and I thought this would put me at a disadvantage since I also never took the ACTs or SATs so I was pretty behind when it came to college courses. It had been nearly ten years since being in school so I was a little nervous about going into Pathway.
I. Loved. It.
Pathway was very "new user" friendly and made learning easy and fun for me. Their were two parts to the program. An online section and a "in person" section. The online section was comprised mostly of watching video lectures and then taking quizzes and submitting my work (essays, math, etc). The in person portion of the program was once a week (my day was Thursday) and we met at an institute building where we had an institute class then a class for the Pathway teaching. It was my entire night usually, but I didn't mind because it was run by a pretty awesome couple and my group was a lot of fun to be with.
The program consisted of three semesters with assignments due Saturday nights and Wednesday nights and overall the program was "easy" to do. I still learned a bit (the math portion opened my eyes to how little my "savings" account actually makes me in interest) and it was challenging at times, but the program is geared towards people who want to get back into school and made THAT easy to do. It was all easy to implement into my life without changing my schedule too much. I did really well and was all set up to go to school in the fall online (my BACHELOR'S degree was going to cost LESS THAN $10,000 for all the credits needed!) but life took me a different direction and I landed a career job.
I do still desire to go back to school and get an online degree through BYUI and if needed I would re-do the Pathway program in a heartbeat. I seriously recommend it to everyone who asks me about it because it was such a great program. They keep things Christ centered and it is a learning environment meant to help you progress towards your goals, earthly or otherwise.
If you are on the fence about going, consider this your shove to get off your butt and do it. I truly recommend it with everything in my being.

TL;DR - Pathway is an AMAZING program that is easy on nearly anyone's schedule, a spiritual environment to learn, and an opportunity to springboard into getting a higher education at a cost nearly anyone can afford. Do it!
submitted by That_1_Dude_You_Know to byupathway [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 18:48 jdm4003 Just wanted to put my One Piece fanboyism out there

I think I've been a fan of One Piece ever since late 2016. I was in my 8th grade year when I first started watching the anime and witnessed Monkey D Luffy pop out of the barrel. From then on, I began to fall in love with the goofiness of the world and the intense, heart riveting moments that define the series. I caught up to the anime by the time they started showing Zou and I've been with the journey ever since via the manga (I'm up to date with the Wano Arc in the manga btw)
Earlier this year, I finally started collecting manga, so I went out and bought One Piece volumes. Currently, I'm up to volume 45 in my collection and I think I've fallen in love with this story all over again to the point where it might be an obsession lol. Being an Aspie and all, that sort of stuff tends to happen to me with the stuff I really like. Seeing the immaculate story telling that Eiichiro Oda creates in physical form is a blessing.
So far, my favorite arcs on this reread is definitely Water 7/Enies Lobby. There's just something timeless about a group of ragtag pirates challenging the heart of the entire World Government all for the sake of a woman who believed that her entire existence is a crime, but with the Straw Hats, she finally found a reason to live. Also, I really loved Usopp (my favorite SH besides Luffy) and his character arc during the Water 7 Saga. Even he realized that the Going Merry was done for, but still, what he was fighting most was his own insecurities. He couldn't find self worth in himself and was afraid that the crew would just leave him behind. But when Robin was prepared to sacrifice herself, he stepped up as the amazing Sniper King and did the things that the Monster Trio couldn't in order to save her. I think probably why I can relate to both Usopp and Robin is because I personally have struggled with feelings of worthlessness and insecurities too, so when Oda kept pushing the theme of living in these arcs, it made me nearly cry but not as much as I cried when the crew had to put the Going Merry to rest.
Anyways, currently, I'm a senior in high school still checking the Shonen Jump app for whenever a new chapter comes out lol. Hopefully, I'll be able to purchase the third box set soon, so I can gush over the Summit War Saga again and maybe put my thoughts out on those. I kinda like analysing key themes and characters in the story arcs that I read, but I've never done one on here before. Sometimes on my Twitter tho. To wrap this up though, I'm thankful that I decided to join the One Piece cruise and as much as I would like for the series to last until I'm old and weary, Mr. Oda has been doing this weekly manga gig since before I was even born, so if he intends to wrap the story in the next 5 to 10 years, then I hope he puffs out his chest with enormous pride and goes out with a BOOM like a real man!
submitted by jdm4003 to OnePiece [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 18:29 Odd-Ad5315 I (23M) feel let down and stuck with my girlfriend (21F)

Hello, I am using a throw away because some people know my actual account. I am coming here because I need impartial advice.
I have been dating my girlfriend since mid august, we talked for months before and that was sort of rocky due to her having another guy she was talking too. We had a brief falling out because I couldnt take the emotional toll of sharing her with another man. After the brief intermission we reconnected and she informed me that she left the other guy completely for me. She told me that she realized that I was the person she wanted to be with and we wanted to try and be exclusive and a couple. The brief intermission was really hard on me as well, I had never missed anyone that strongly before so I figured it had to be fate.

Fast forward, she is at school 3 hours away finishing up her college senior year and I work a full time office job. We were both worried about the distance because we are very physical people and she shows love best in person most times. However, the distance has been very hard. She is very stressed with school and work and that stress usually falls on me. I look to her for love and affection however she does not give it as much citing her reason as she is stressed. I am very affirmation based and anxious a lot and we have had discussions revolving that. I sometimes need reassurance that she loves me and isnt upset with me when she is acting cold or short because of her stress. When I get needy in that way it just drives her more frustrated because she feels as though she has to worry about me more than her school and work. Obviously her life and school is more important and I always listen to her about her problems and try to offer solutions. This is difficult though because I feel it is very one sided. I always listen however if there is something on in my stessful life, I have to volunteer it myself. Then usually when I talk about it she will be like "that sucks" and not really say anything more.
I understand everything that is stressing her out and stuff but with how short she is and not loving, it leaves me unfurfilled. She recently had a big day where she had a project due and was working all day and she texted me that morning saying "Hey I have a lot going on and wont be able to text much" obviously that is very understandable for me and I responded "No problem baby! Let me know if you need anything and have a good day". She called me later that day and seemed stressed but I was staying positive and talking to her about what was going on. During the phone call we discussed the possibility of her coming home to visit this weekend but she was saying that she might not be able to. This did bum me out but I totally understood her reasoning and apparently I seemed sad because she said "Why are you acting like I killed your dog, you look so sad". I replied "I mean I am kinda bummed but i understand your reasoning and I was just excited to see you". She got frustrated when I was saying "Dont worry baby it will be ok, we can see eachother next weekend", trying to reassure her. However when I was trying to assure her that I was going to be ok, she hung up abruptly by just saying "Ok bye" *click*. This really hurt me because I got anxious that I upset her. She didnt even say I love you back. So I texted her saying "Hey I really dont like it when you abruptly hang up on me, can we please talk about this? I am sorry if I said something wrong. I am not upset at you, I will be ok"
She got very angry at this because she said she had to call me back after that because she didnt want me upset but she was visibly angry saying "I told you today that I had a lot going on, I cant worry about you right now with this project and work I have to do". She said she cant keep having this discussion and we said goodnight right there because she needed to cool off.

There have been a few instances like that and obviously there are many nuances and small parts not outlined. I always try to be positive for her because she is in a negative space. I text her Good morning every day, text her have a good day at work messages and before I go to bed. She usually doesnt reciprocate those things. She has never been much of a texter. My main issue is that I am trying my hardest to give her love and show her that I am there however with how short and cold she acts towards me sometimes, its really hard. I just want affection and for us to be happy. I know happiness is a choice for her and I cant control that. I feel bad because it makes her anxious when she has to worry about me being upset and she told me that she feels like her emotions are second to mine. That tears me up because I am trying my hardest to show I care and I feel stuck.

Any insight or questions you have let me know please. I love her and I really long for more positivity back.
submitted by Odd-Ad5315 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 15:46 NintendoSwitchMods 9.17.2020 Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase September 2020

Please use this thread for all pre-event hype and speculation, as well as post-event thoughts reactions.

Watch & Discuss

This event has now ended.

Recap of announcements

he Monster Hunter series is hitting new heights – literally! – with MONSTER HUNTER RISE, a new entry in the storied series, headed to the Nintendo Switch system on March 26, 2021. In this new game, players will possess the ability to rise above the world, using special creatures to scale cliffs and vault high above the magnificent terrain around them. Capcom’s MONSTER HUNTER RISE, as well as several other incredible games from Nintendo’s development and publishing partners, were featured in the latest Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase video presentation, which can be viewed by visiting https://www.nintendo.com/nintendo-direct/09-17-2020/.
Another Monster Hunter game announced during the presentation, MONSTER HUNTER STORIES 2: Wings of Ruin, tasks players to become a Monster Rider and embark on an RPG adventure filled with popular monsters from the series. Both Monster Hunter games were featured in a follow-up Monster Hunter Direct, which can also be viewed by visiting https://www.nintendo.com/nintendo-direct/09-17-2020/.
In addition to the Monster Hunter reveals, a wide array of other Nintendo Switch games from development and publishing partners was detailed in the video presentation, including Disgaea 6: Defiance of Destiny, a new entry in the fan-favorite tactical RPG series; Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Exercise, a new way to be active on Nintendo Switch; and Ori and the Will of the Wisps, a sequel to the action-packed platformer Ori and the Blind Forest, which launches today!
“No matter the genre, Nintendo Switch owners will find a game they are looking for from our creative development and publishing partners,” said Steve Singer, Nintendo of America’s Senior Vice President of Publisher and Developer Relations. “We appreciate the innovative experiences our partners continue delivering for Nintendo Switch, and are happy to share their latest games in these Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase videos.”
Some of the highlights revealed in the Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase and the Monster Hunter spotlight video include:
  • MONSTER HUNTER RISE: This latest entry in the action-RPG series finds players battling fearsome monsters and reaching new heights. Prepare to be transported to the colorful Kamura Village, a new serene mountain locale where players will experience unique culture and innovative hunting technologies. Using a special insect called a Wirebug, hunters will be able to grapple themselves in any direction, making it possible to scale towering cliffs and structures. All combat areas within each quest are seamlessly connected, allowing for exploration of the vast and vertical landscapes with no loading times. MONSTER HUNTER RISE launches for Nintendo Switch on March 26, 2021. Additionally, a Deluxe Edition will also be available, which offers the full game and bonus DLC. Pre-ordering the base or Deluxe version will unlock bonus in-game items like layered armor and more. Players will be able to get even more in-game extras with Monster Hunter amiibo accessories. The three standalone amiibo accessories will be available exclusively at GameStop locations in the U.S. and EB Games in Canada. Visit Nintendo eShop on Nintendo Switch today for details about how to pre-order the game.
  • MONSTER HUNTER STORIES 2: Wings of Ruin: Currently in development, MONSTER HUNTER STORIES 2: Wings of Ruin puts players in the role of a Monster Rider who befriends iconic monsters from the Monster Hunter series as they embark on epic adventures together. More information about this story-based role-playing game coming to Nintendo Switch in summer 2021 will be revealed in the future. Ori
  • and the Will of the Wisps: The little spirit Ori is no stranger to peril, but when a fateful flight puts the owlet Ku in harm’s way, it will take more than bravery to bring a family back together, heal a broken land and discover Ori’s true destiny. From Moon Studios, the creators of the acclaimed action-platformer Ori and the Blind Forest, comes a new adventure in a vast, vibrant world filled with new friends and foes that come to life in stunning, hand-painted artwork. Set to a fully orchestrated original score, Ori and the Will of the Wisps continues the Moon Studios tradition of tightly crafted platforming action and deeply emotional storytelling. Ori and the Will of the Wisps launches for Nintendo Switch … today! Plus, the “Ori Collector’s Edition” is available for pre-order from iam8bit.
  • Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Exercise: The sequel to Fitness Boxing has entered the ring! Grab the Joy-Con controllers, select the music and courses, and get to a variety of boxing exercises! Players can pick any one of nine instructors, each with their own distinctive personality, with three making their debut in the game: Karen, Janice and Hiro. As players continue exercising, their bond with the instructors will grow. Players can even customize their outfits, providing more variety to their workouts. Several features are included in this installment, including a two-player mode, an alarm function and the ability to remove certain boxing actions. Save data can even be carried over from the first Fitness Boxing game! Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Exercise launches on Nintendo Switch on Dec. 4.
  • Disgaea 6: Defiance of Destiny: As a result of Super Reincarnation, the boastful zombie Zed gets stronger the more he dies! By reincarnating their way through a variety of worlds, players will face off against the strongest God of Destruction. Disgaea 6: Defiance of Destiny marks the first time the series uses 3D models, with vibrant characters full of personality and the return of the series' over-the-top battle system. Get ready for an experience that defies common sense, genre and destiny when Disgaea 6: Defiance of Destiny comes exclusively to Nintendo Switch in summer 2021. But the Disgaea news doesn’t stop there: Beginning Sept. 23 at 10 a.m. PT until Sept. 29 at 11:59 p.m. PT, Nintendo Switch Online members* will be able to download and play the full version of Disgaea 5 Complete.
  • Hades: Defy the god of the dead in this Greek mythology-inspired dungeon crawler. Thousands of story events and ability combinations ensure a unique experience each time players hack and slash their way out of the Underworld, wielding the powers and mythical weapons of Olympus to aid in their escape. Hades launches for Nintendo Switch … today!
  • Empire of Sin: In this new strategy game, players enter the criminal underworld of Prohibition-era Chicago in the 1920s. It’s up to players to hustle, charm and intimidate their way to the top of the pile and do whatever it takes to stay there. Empire of Sin launches for Nintendo Switch on Dec. 1 and is available for pre-order staring today.
  • Sniper Elite 4: Across the largest and most diverse world ever seen in a Sniper Elite game, players can look forward to the series-defining ballistics, tense stealth and third-person action. Sniper Elite 4 launches for Nintendo Switch this holiday season.
  • PGA TOUR 2K21: The fairway is open in PGA TOUR 2K21! Play against the in-game pros on visually stunning real-life courses, hit the links with friends locally and online*, or run full seasons and tournaments with Online Societies. Design and share the ultimate golf course using tons of custom options with the Course Designer. The digital version of PGA TOUR 2K21 is now available in Nintendo eShop on Nintendo Switch, with the physical version of the game launching on Sept. 25.
  • The Long Dark: In this exploration-survival game, players are on their own as they journey through a frozen wilderness in the aftermath of a geomagnetic disaster. A chilling narrative awaits players in the WINTERMUTE Story Mode, or they can choose to enjoy hours of permadeath gameplay in Survival Mode. Experience true survival on Nintendo Switch when The Long Dark launches … today!
  • BALAN WONDERWORLD: As Leo and Emma, players will don costumes to wield a variety of abilities. A costume with a gear ability, for example, lets players rotate gears to open doors or access new paths. There are more than 80 costumes to find, with the ability to carry up to three at once. Change between costumes to collect crystals and Statues scattered throughout stages. A two-player mode is also available! By combining costume abilities with friends, players may be able to reach new locations. BALAN WONDERWORLD will make its grand entrance on Nintendo Switch on March 26, 2021.
  • Rune Factory 5: Build a new life amidst a grand adventure in this heartwarming RPG. As a young man or woman with no memories, players will get a fresh start in the rural town of Rigbarth as a peacekeeping ranger. In addition to protecting the town, players’ day-to-day lives will include harvesting crops, fishing in the river and participating in local festivals. They may even find a special someone to start dating, fall in love with … and get married to! A new battle system allows players to perform combo attacks with allies to take down monsters. Begin life anew in a fantasy world when Rune Factory 5 launches on Nintendo Switch in 2021.
Details about the next Nintendo Direct Mini: Partner Showcase will be revealed in the future.

FAQ

What is a Partner Showcase?
A Partner Showcase is a pre-recorded video presentation showcasing upcoming indie games for the Nintendo Switch.
What is the difference between a Partner Showcase and a standard Nintendo Direct?
This presentation will ONLY include information about third-party games, unlike a traditional Nintendo Direct that would focus on first-party games and topics.
What if I can't watch live due to work/school/etc.?
You can join us in the comments below or our Discord chat linked above. We will also be posting a text recap and link to watch the replay in this post once the event has concluded.
If you want a spoiler-free experience or to watch the event later, we will edit this post to include a direct link to the VOD at the very top (once it's available). This will take you directly to the video so you don't accidentally see any trailers or video thumbnails if you visit the Nintendo YouTube page or Nintendo website. Just don't scroll down!
There WILL be spoilers here on the subreddit, so watch the video first!
If you see any posts that should actually be here in the MegaThread, please do us a favor and hit the report button.
Our SOP for posts is as follows:
  • We will allow one post per announcement.
    • The post we allow may not necessarily be the one that was submitted first. We typically will receive about 15 of, essentially the exact same post, in the span of about 60 seconds and will select the one that has the best title and links directly to the original source when available.
  • Commentary on the announcement(s) should take place either in this thread or on the related separate announcement post. Each person's specific opinion does not need its own post.
submitted by NintendoSwitchMods to NintendoSwitch [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 15:07 jrosered Any veterinary clinic that also offers boarding ?

Hello! Just moved here, looking for veterinarian recommendations. Would love a vet clinic that also offers boarding, as our previous vet did. A couple reasons for this, mainly our 11 year old Miniature Schnauzer got very ill last time we boarded him while on vacation, and if he was in a regular boarding kennel I don't think he would have made it. He is a high maintenance senior fella and isn't social with other dogs anyway. I've googled a few places with no luck. Am willing to drive 30 mins outside of Sioux Falls if necessary. Thanks so much!
submitted by jrosered to SiouxFalls [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 10:14 YoureL0VED Not Asleep Not Awake

Firstly I must apologize for all grammatical errors in this post. I'm writing this after just having experienced an episode and my mind refusing to let me fall back asleep. This is just a post to recount my memories with the most vivid episodes i can remember. I've been experiencing sleep paralysis since the age of five or six and have had 100's of experiences. Thankfully now at 25 I have an amazing partner who recognizes my signs for an episode and when she's around pulls me out fairly quickly.
  1. The first episode of sleep paralysis I can remember is from back when I was five or six years old. I was living in a trailer down in Georgia. Me and my older brother by two years shared a bedroom that laid at the end of the hallway leading to the living room. Late at night when my dad would return from working a second shift job he would watch T.V. in the large recliner off to the side. The layout of the trailer was set up so that if me and my brother cracked the door open a couple inches we would be able to see what our dad was watching down the corridor. The night this episode occurred I remember my dad watching an old Indian and cowboy show, but i do apologize i cannot remember the name. we we're watching the show when for the second time that night our mom had noticed either the door being open or me and my brother making noise. (I'm not too sure. Mother's seem to have a sixth sense about that kind of thing.) Our mother had promptly brought out woody (A wooden spoon) , gave both me and my brother a nice plant on the backside with her trusty old pal and told us to get back into our beds. I climb into bed and close my eyes... I woke up (I think?) I'm not too sure it's dark in our room and I hear the cowboy show playing in the background and I see the silhouette of the fan spinning above me. I go and place my feet on the floor and stand up. I feel my body moving. I know it moved. There's not a doubt in my mind, but when I opened my eyes to where I should be standing and facing the door all I see is a silhouette of a ceiling fan spinning above me. The cowboy noise is still there, but the thing is it shouldn't be this dark in my room. Even with the door all the way shut it shouldn't have been that dark. The glow from the T.V. Should be seen from underneath the door, but there wasn't any light coming into the room. I go to move again and I can't. I can't move anything. I think I can open my eyes, but I'm not even sure if they were open. (I've since learned to keep my eyes closed during an episode) I try to scream, but nothing comes out. Panic sets in and I try my hardest to move. To move anything. My arms, My legs, but nothing would move. My breathing becomes rapid and like nothing happened in the first place my body begins to move of course at that age i didn't know what sleep paralysis was. I screamed for my mom and both her and my dad came to our room. They had both been sleeping in the room next to ours and the t.v. had been off. That may have not been the first time I had ever experienced it, but it's the first time I can vividly remember.
  2. The danger (story) I've had plenty of episodes between then and the next story I'm going to tell, but this one taught me sleep paralysis isn't as much of a non-threat as people make it seem. This episode occurred in my senior year of high school. I moved into my girlfriend's house on my 18th birthday. Her parents had let me move into their basement. While they lived on the first floor. I helped my ex's dad build a room in their unfinished basement with some installation and carpeting. Living in Wisconsin during the summer the room was perfect, the basement was nice and cool and as they only had an in window A/C unit and not centralized air it was really nice, but during the winters it would be freezing. I was working at a dairy queen and had purchased a space heater. The room we had built wasn't particularly large. My guess would be 7'x7' if I had to guess and with the insulation in place the small space heater did it's job perfectly. Anyway I was sleeping on my futon down in the basement during one of our Wisconsin tundra nights. (temperatures reaching -10F to -20F) Making my room absolutely freezing. Before going to sleep I had placed my heater next to my bed and cranked the temperature to the highest setting. I don't remember falling asleep, but what i do remember is waking up. Well. Not waking up. I felt a sensation on my right arm, I felt my right arm getting hot, Very hot. I open my eyes to see my room. My T.V. is lighting up the room pretty well. Before this point i had experienced sleep paralysis a handful of times so i sort of knew what i was going through. Seeing the can of soda on my dresser guaranteed it for me. What should be spelled out Coca-cola did spell out coca-cola, but the letters weren't right. Some letters were coming towards me and others were moving in contrast to me. Looking over to my arm I discovered why it was very, Very, Very hot at this point. Part of my arm was hanging from my bed and in almost direct connection to the heater. The pain itself was very real. I could feel my arm burning. I could feel the heat on my arm and the pain, but it wouldn't move. I couldn't move my arm. I couldn't move anything, The only thing i could move were my eyes. As I strained to get my arm to move, still just feeling the waves of pain as my arm was being cooked I was unable to move a thing. I tried to yell, but as many of you know. Nothing I laid there, Trying to control my breathing as my forearm received 2nd degree burns. The whole interaction must have lasted only a couple of minutes, but finally I was able to move. I quickly retract my arm, get out of bed and run upstairs to start putting cold water on it. After rinsing my arm under water for a few moments I head over and wake my ex from her slumber to take me to the doctor. This episode is unique for me. Out of all my episodes. This was the only episode I had ever been injured.
3.re-occurrence(not a story a question). I'm not sure if anyone else has this when experiencing sleep paralysis. When pulling yourself out of an episode and you begin to regain movement. Have you ever gotten to the point where you could move, but you lay back down and go right back into an episode. I'm not sure if there is an official name for this, but for my sake i'll call them re-occurring episode, or maybe relapsing episode would be more precise. This has happened plenty of time for myself. My current Partner know's if she hears my breathing become different when i'm napping or sleeping, increased rate, Labored, just sharp differences in my breathing patterns she will attempt to pull me. If she pulls me and i'm able to regain movement if i lay my head back down within a few moments i'll go right back into an episode. I'll immediately lose the ability to move anything, but my eyes and once again i'll have to work on controlling my breathing to try and pull myself again.
4.False Hope (story). This has to be one of the most annoying things about sleep paralysis. The first time I had a false hope (or false escape) was the first time I had experienced sleep paralysis. It was when I thought I had stood and looked at the door, but I was still lying and looking at the ceiling. This type of scenario has happened so many times. I will be sleeping on the couch when an episode takes place. I'll attempt to reach and I can feel myself grab the edge of the couch or I can feel myself place a hand on the couch. I'll push and get the falling sensation and can feel myself connect with the ground. I'll stand up, but at the same time realize that i'm still on the couch and haven't moved. I'll attempt this a few more times before going to my breathing technique to pull myself. If you've ever done psychedelics before and know what a thought loop is. This will make sense. I was in a thought loop, but for sleep paralysis. I'll push myself off the couch, go to stand up and as my eyes transition from the ground to where it should be looking as I'm standing. It never completes the transition. I'll be back. On the couch. either looking forward or whatever direction i was looking in. before trying to push myself back off the couch. I'm not sure if this would count as sleep paralysis or the transition into sleep paralysis but i'm conscious of my body moving and not moving. I can feel the experiences happening on my body, but I'm not actually moving. I can see the different scenes as I'm pushing myself off the couch. as i'm going to stand up and as i'm laying back on the couch unmoved, but once i accept that i can't move and focus on my breathing i'm finally able to break the cycle and pull myself.
  1. Love (story) This had to be one of my oddest episodes of sleep paralysis. I was sleeping lying next to my girlfriend. I remember laying there and rolling over. I can remember kissing her lips. I can remember feeling her body against mine. Her grabbing my shoulders and me placing my hand around her waist. I can remember all the sensations, The warmth coming from her body. The smell of her shampoo. I was touching her. running my hand down her thigh and when I opened my eyes. Nothing. No one was there. no one was in the bed with me. I move to place my leg on the ground, but it wouldn't move. At this time I knew to close my eyes and work on my breathing. I snapped out of this one pretty quickly, but it was definitely one of the more unique episodes.
  2. Keep your eyes closed (story) This story is the reason i keep my eyes closed during an episode. Laying in the living room to one of my old apartments i fell asleep on the edge of the couch that faced down the hallway to my daughters room. My daughter and her mom were visiting their grandmothers and while they were gone i thought i would take a nap on the couch. I remember opening my eyes looking down the hallway to my daughters open door. It was the middle of the day so when i opened my eyes i could see the hall and my apartment in all in brilliance, but this time standing inside the door to my daughters room was a person. I don't know who it was and even recounting this i'm getting chills. It was a person, or something. Imagine someone wearing an all black spandex suit. As i looked at it. It began to move towards me. Not walk, but do reverse cart wheels. It's back facing me. It brings it's hands flat on the ground behind it and lifts its legs to swing around. Somehow missing the door frame it places it's feet back on the ground and continues the motion getting closer to me. This is the first time I've ever seen something like this during sleep paralysis. So panic immediately kicks in. I'm trying my hardest to move any inch of my body. To get me out of the situation. Pure terror and dread is all i could feel in that moment and my flight response was through the roof. It's slowly making progress towards me and me not being able to move a morsel of my body. I decide to close my eyes. Normally if something was moving towards you. you would hear it. you would hear the floor creak. you would hear the thumping of footsteps, but i didn't hear anything. I kept my eyes closed and focused on my breathing. I was able to pull myself, but the fear i had when attempting to open my eyes again is something I've never felt sense. I didn't know that the movement's i made when my eyes were closed were real. I didn't know that i wasn't stuck in another false hope situation, but when i knew i was sitting up. I opened my eyes and there was nothing there. Ever since this episode. I've only ever kept my eye's open a few more times, but now if I'm certain I'm in an episode my eyes will stay shut.
  3. Recall Dreaming/ Lucid dreaming. (Question) I know plenty of people that experience sleep paralysis regularly can lucid dream. i'll assume for all intensive purposes that these are lucid dreams, but i wouldn't really call it that so much. I can recall a dream. If before i go to sleep i'll build the last thing i can remember from the dream i want to relive or continue. The last building or room I'm in, the Item i was holding, what was around me. I'll trace these things in my mind as i fall asleep and i can continue where i left off in a dream. One of these instances is night after night I would try to reach this tree house placed in the woods behind my grandfather's junkyard in Florida. Every night for a few weeks i would try to reach the tree house, but something always stopped me from reaching it. whether i was with a group or by myself. When running through the forest and reaching the swamp inside, Getting past the swamp reaching the field, something always stopped me before I reached the tree house. Every night i would attempt to reach it, but I never could. I stopped trying a while back and haven't rebuilt this dream in a while. The dream I currently build before I fall asleep. It's the apocalypse, we've reached a sky-scraper in this unknown city. Last night i rode the elevator up to the 22nd floor and it opened into this large corridor that had a lot of wires scattered along the walls. there's a balcony and a staircase leading up to the roof, or what i presume is the roof because i see light above us, but I've been having this dream for about five days now. My question really for this one. Does anyone experience this? Where they can rebuild/recall a dream from a previous night?
Sorry for the super long post, but i thought i would create an account and share a few of my stories after lurking and reading other people's experience for a while.
submitted by YoureL0VED to Sleepparalysis [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 09:22 KakapoJustice Just Another Hysterical Woman

I'm just another hysterical woman.
In October of 2019, life was good. Great even. My husband and I had moved to Las Vegas from Chicago in the summer of 2018 for my job. We purchased a lovely home and started renovating. I was loving my job and my husband had just left for a 6 month stint cheffing in Honolulu. I was on a fitness kick, running 4-7 miles daily, climbing mountains in the desert on weekends. And then 2020. In January, my running stamina suddenly declined, my body was aching constantly, my hands were going numb. Then one morning I woke up and just had that feeling. Something was wrong. I was dizzy, freezing, shaking and my whole body was tingling. Now we are not rich people by any means, and I was not about to pay $1000s for an ER visit unless absolutely necessary, so I take advantage of the free video doctor service through my insurance. Go to the ER he says. Ugh. I split the difference and go to Urgent Care. Check -in lady takes one look at me and immediately calls someone over who asks what's wrong. "My whole body is tingly and I.." "Ma'am we can't help you here you need to go to the emergency room." Sigh. Fine. ER takes vitals, all normal. Doctor gives me the look I would soon become all too familiar with. "Ma'am do you suffer from anxiety? Have you ever had a panic attack?" I'm surprised by the question but tell him yeah actually, and this isn't a panic attack. He tells me to just try to relax, they'll run bloodwork "just in case." I'm left to sit and wait for the next hour pondering what the hell he meant by "just in case." Doctor returns with a nurse and a very confused look and tells me my phosphorus is critically low. He says that is extremely unusual. Before I can ask how that can happen, he's paged and apologizes and says he will be right back. Nurse gives me phosphorus, doctor never returns, I'm sent on my way and told to follow up with my primary care. I do. He prescribes an antidepressant. I push him about the pain in my hands as it was rapidly getting worse. He interrupts me every time I try to speak. I manage to finally explain my family history. I tell him my mom had back surgery at 22 because her discs fused together. That she's had heart surgeries for unexplained arrhythmias. That her fingers are twisted and she has been in pain every day since her 20s. Her body has tried to kill her multiple times, blood clots in her lungs, acute epiglotitis so severe she couldn't breath. She's been to more doctors than I can count, always the same thing. Seems autoimmune, but your bloodwork is normal. 40 years, and probably as many specialists later she's given the diagnosis of seronegative rheumatoid arthritis. I tell him my older sister, 16 years my senior, required a full hip replacement by age 30. That her health had been declining for years. But her blood work was normal. Until this year when suddenly it wasn't. Her lungs were scarred and filled with fluid. Her kidney function was less than half, in fact, every single organ was affect. MRI revealed lesions on her brain and spine. Unfortunately, her organs are so damaged she can't take most medications. I explain how they both said they felt the illness began after their first pregnancies, so I did not have children. My 20s and the first half of my 30s came and went with no signs of issues (so I thought at the time, looking back there were many.) We thought I had lucked out of "the mystery disease." Doctor orders an ANA panel. It comes back negative. He refers me to a rheumatologist to rule out seronegative rheumatoid arthritis. I meet the rheumatologist in mid March. "So what's going on?" I begin to explain and he interrupts me,"your ANA was negative." I tell him "I'm aware but my hands.." He interrupts again and asks to see them. He's quiet. He pokes at my fingers a bit and asks if I ever get a rash from the sun. I do. He orders x-rays, confirms a diagnosis of seronegative rheumatoid arthritis, and starts methotrexate. Right about this time, Covid-19 hits hard. My husband jumps on a plane home while he still can. I can see his look confusion and concern. He left his happy, active, overly ambitious, silly wife, and came back to a exhausted, hobbling, sick one. My joint pain was increasing and the methotrexate side effects were intensifying with every dose. Bill comes from phosphorus incident. $1400. Husband starts making bankruptcy jokes. After a month they become unbearable and I return to the rheumatologist. I can see he's visibly annoyed. "What you're feeling sick or something?? We'll try something else." He prescribes prednisone, leflunomide, amlodipine, celebrex, and gabapentin. He asked if I need a stronger painkiller, I remind him I'm allergic to opioids. He offers tramadol, and says it's not and opoid. Sure I say. I google it. It is. Never mind. My condition worsens and I take a leave from work. I tell my boss I think maybe just a month, and I should be back. April. Husband's job becomes a casualty of the pandemic. I'm still unable to work. Bills start going on credit cards. May. June. Condition worsens. Develop butterfly rash. I ask about lupus. "Your ANA is negative." Rhum prescribes Cimzia to add to my current meds. Insurance denies it. 2 failed appeals later, he changes it to Humira. Insurance denies it. He files an appeal. July. August. Condition improves! Inflammation is down, and I'm moving around a lot better. Insurance finally approves Humira, but has to come from their mail order pharmacy and will take a while. Fine. After all, I'm feeling pretty good other than extreme fatigue. My doctor prescribes modafinil. I have a few days I almost feel like my old self, so I call my boss and tell him I'll be back September 1st. I don't even make it a week. I wake up that Saturday and my whole body hurts, the left side of my body is numb, my speech is slurred, and my muscles are spasming. I drag myself to the couch and take my fist full of pills. I can't breath deeply. I text my 3 best friends, mom, and sister that I love them and wake up husband. He looks at me and says "ER now." Nooo. I talk him into the trusty video doctor. He echoes my husband's sentiment. I express my reluctance because they'll just say it's anxiety. He assured me no one would think that based on my physical symptoms. To the ER we go. The doctor quickly determines I didn't have a stroke (duh.) My husband tries to explain what's happening. ER doc says "your blood pressure is really high and this sounds like anxiety. Here's some IV ativan and a RX for Xanax, go home and relax." I cry in frustration. It's labor day weekend, and I know I have no shot at getting a hold of either of my doctors until Tuesday. I go home and try to rest. Tuesday comes and we get a rush appointment for the next day with my primary care doctor. My rheumatologist were told is on vacation. That morning is the worst I've ever felt and my husband tries to get me to just go to the ER. I convince him we should just wait to see my doctor. Doctor sends me to ER with a rush MRI order in hand. ER does a CT scan of my head. It comes back clear so they admit me to hospital for further neurological testing. My husband isn't allowed in because of the pandemic. I'm not thrilled by this since my speech is still slurred, but there's nothing to be done. Nurse says to get some sleep, tests in the morning. 1:30am I'm shaken awake by a small woman. "WHAT KIND OF CANNABIS DO YOU USE????" It takes me a second to come to and realize what she's asking. CBD oil and THC gummies mostly I tell her. She scampers away. I lay there wondering why I was woken up for that. I assume my tox screen is back, but I also know it's on file that I have a medical card. Whatever I think and go back to sleep. 30 min later I'm shaken awake again. Small woman is back with nurse "THE DOCTOR NEEDS TO KNOW RIGHT NOW WHY YOU HAVE BENZOS IN YOUR SYSTEM AND WHY YOU ARE USING CANNABIS." Are you kidding me. I explain I'm allergic to most painkillers, and therefore have a medical card I use for pain management. As for the benzos, 1. Your ER gave me Ativan like 5 hours ago, 2. I have a Xanax RX which you actually typed in the computer when I gave you my list of drugs earlier. "Ohhhhhh right! That makes sense." They leave. Now I'm just kind of pissed. Before I can fall asleep again, the doctor comes in. He grills me again about tox screen, and asks to see me current meds. I take so many I always keep a typed sheet of them, that also contains basic info about my diagnoses, family history, current doctors info etc. I hand him the sheet and he scans it and abruptly asks "wait so when was the last time you saw your neurologist?" I look at him confused and tell him I've never seen one. "Then who diagnosed you??" "My rheumatologist?" I say. He gives an arrogant snort, "yeah, rheumatologists don't diagnose MS." I realize he hasn't read the sheet at all, he just saw the word MS in my family history ( my sister and cousin both have it.) "I don't have MS, I have rheumatoid arthritis. My SISTER has MS." "Oh. Ok. " he says and leaves. One more frustration cry and a Facebook rant about lack of compassion or listening in healthcare later I fall back asleep. 2:30am I'm woken again for blood work. 4 am awoken again by the nurse. The CNA begins hooking me up to a heart monitor. Nurse explains that they're not sure why, but somehow from my 7pm bloodwork and this set, my potassium level dropped from a normal 4.1, to a critical 2.9 so they need to monitor for cardiac arrest until they can get my levels back up. Once you here the words "cardiac arrest," sleeping plans tend to fail. After 6 bags of potassium, my speech begins to recover. They send me for an MRI/MRA and a neck ultrasound. I notice they aren't doing a contrast like my primary had requested so I ask about it. The tech says he's not sure why, just says MRI to rule out stroke. I explain stroke was ruled out days ago and try to explain the situation. He interrupts and says to talk to Dr, he just does the tests. Fine. The one good thing was the day shift has brought me nurse Flo who is a feisty little angel from heaven. She helps me through one my insane hot flashes and sneaks me a small cup of regular coffee. Around 10 am she says my test results are back and the doctor will be over shortly to discuss. Around 12pm she pops in to ask if doc has been by. He has not. I asked her if she knew why my potassium level crashed. Said no but to ask the doctor.She says she'll page him. 3pm passes and again she checks. Still no doctor. She's clearly also frustrated by this. She checks the computer to see if any orders have been given. Nothing. She tells me to act surprised because she's not technically allowed to give results, but my tests were all normal so I'll probably be discharged soon. "So they're not going to look at the potassium thing?". "Doesn't look like it. I'm going to page again." she says and leaves. At this point, I start to breakdown. I'm alone, scared, getting no answers, stuck in very high risk environment for autoimmune patients, and taking up a hospital bed someone may need. I'm sure this is costing a fortune. 4pm. 5pm. I text a frustrated scared rant to my husband. He calls me an overly dramatic petulant child.I cry. 6pm still in tears I take off my gown and get dressed, I'm removing my heart monitor when CNA walks in for vitals. He asks what's wrong and I apologize for being emotional and explain my frustration. He takes my BP 170/105. He goes to get Flo. She comes immediately and sits and listens to me. Agreed the situation has been ridiculous, and says she's just going to go upstairs and get him herself. A few min later she pops in to say he'll be right down. At 7:30pm it became clear he had left. No instructions were left. I ask Flo to remove my IV, and that I was leaving. She brought me the paper to sign, teared up and gave me hug. "I'm so so sorry." She said she wasn't supposed to, but printed all my labs and tests results to take with me. Even day since I've felt worse. Saw my primary again Monday. He's ordered thyroid tests. Again. They'll come back negative. I saw my rheumatologist yesterday, he told me that's a problem for an endocrinologist, not him, come back in a month. Asked if could be autoimmune related. "Your ANA is negative, you are probably sick because you take supplements." I take a multivitamin and vitamin d. He told me stop being anxious. Sure, I'm a 35 yr old woman scared of losing her career, facing bankruptcy, who's body is hellbent on killing her in her sleep and yet her doctors don't seem to care even a little. Going to bed every night not sure you're going to wake up is really something. To date, no one has been able to tell me why I have electrolyte crashes, or why my leg muscles randomly stop working. Or why my tongue is covered in sores. Or why my kidney feels is about to explode. Or why my muscles jerk, my face twitches, and yeah my whole left side is still numb. My feet and hands are so swollen I can't walk or hold a drinking glass. I collapsed in a chair in the backyard this morning. My husband had to carry me inside. I cry to him, but can tell he's sick of it. Told me my hospital rant on FB made me sound insane and maybe I should just take a Xanax. I am so very alone. Sometimes I feel my eyes close and I'm sure I'm dying. I'm honestly surprised when my eyes open every morning. The pain is getting so bad, I'm starting to wish they wouldn't.
It's probably just anxiety. After all, I'm just another hysterical woman with a negative ANA.
submitted by KakapoJustice to autoimmunity [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 09:05 anonymous010803 How do I open up to strict asian parents that I don't want to be a nurse?

hey, I am in need of some help with the current situation I am in right now. If you have any tips or have experienced what I am going through please comment.
So right now I am in my final year of high school (I just started not too long ago) and I am preparing to apply to universities soon. I am born into a Chinese family and I am the first generation in my family to live in Canada. My dad is very traditional and has very high expectations on me and my younger brother. He is a good person, but he does fail to see his flaws and has many angry outbursts when someone makes a small mistake. He also thinks the old fashion way so it's hard for him to accept a different way of thinking. As for my mom, she is a little bit more open-minded and a little bit easier to open up to. But, she is somewhat traditional and has expectations for me too. With all of this, they have put their hopes and dreams for me to become a nurse. Ever since I was little they have emphasized that being a nurse was my only purpose in life. Being young I believed them and started to focus on becoming a nurse. A year ago, there were auditions that opened up and weirdly was drawn to it and ever since that day the thought of pursuing it has never left my mind. This led me to realize that nursing is not what I wanted to pursue. Looking back, I never enjoyed pursuing science, I even expressed it to my dad but he yelled at me telling me I might as well live in the streets, so I convinced myself that I loved science. Basically, I was being someone my parents wanted me to be and not expressing who I am.
Recently, my parents got me to talk to a career counsellor. Honestly, I thought I would be able to find an answer but that wasn't the case. My parents in fact sat beside me during the call and it made me feel stressed and anxious because I wasn't able to say what I've been holding onto for the past year. Moreover, they were controlling me to say things that I should and should not say. I kid you not they were writing on a piece of paper beside the camera telling me what to say. The counsellor gave me this test that assesses what might be my interests and I tried to answer them honestly but I was afraid my parents would find out so half of the answers were not genuine. (right now typing this made me realize that I'm such a coward FML). The career options were ok, I am not upset about it but I am timid about it because I don't know what I really want to pursue.
I really do value my happiness and my mental health, but like some, my parents value money and job stability. I do understand from their point of view, that they want me to have a stable job that gives a lot of money and a nice life without any financial struggles. Additionally, my dad fantasies over how much money I could earn and how he could live in a mansion taking care of his future grandchildren. My dad also expressed my future plans of staying home while studying and saving up for a house. This makes me even more scared to open up to them (especially my dad) because I know I could never meet their expectations and live up to their dreams. Even the thought of expressing how I feel gives me so much anxiety that I almost can't breathe. There was one time when I opened up to my mom, at that time I believed my mom would still love me if I didn't become a nurse. She asked me why I didn't want to be a nurse and I wanted to do then. I said that I am not sure what I wanted to be but I want to do something that would make me happy. To be honest I want to pursue music but my parents despise it. My mom found out and she was furious that she said that she would not financially support me. I wasn't upset that I won't be financially supported because it not something that would last forever, but the fact she said that meant she was willing to cut ties with me. It might have been just to frighten me but it definitely left a scar on my heart. After that day, my mom decided to forgive me and pretended like it never happened. Now she continues to believe that I am 100% going into nursing and I have no choice but to hide my feelings. I love my parents and I am forever grateful but ever since that incident I slowly started to resent them.
I really want to live happily with them but the fact that I have to be this perfect daughter makes me angry. Now that senior year has arrived, I am expected to know what I want but I don't and others have told me its fine to not know, but my parents are knowingly putting a lot of pressure for me to decide. I just wish everything can just pause for a moment and just run away from all of this stress.
I really do wish for a happy outcome, I want to be free to express my emotions and embrace who i am. Given that I am sensitive to how people react and I do observe people's behaviours, I am not handling it well. I hope that everything will fall into place and I will find a reason to live happily.
Thank you for reading till the end (sorry that its so long), sorry that I might sound immature or selfish, I am just conflicted with myself and this current situation. Any advice or experiences (if you are comfortable sharing) on how/when to approach them about this would be greatly appreciated. Even input from nurses would really be beneficial.
thanks.
submitted by anonymous010803 to careeradvice [link] [comments]


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